


Paying the Bills

by Batalons_butt



Series: Jensen and Jared- College AU [1]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Eventual Romance, Friends to Lovers, Jared's fictional brother, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex, Pining, Porn, Voyeurism, phone sex operator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 11:21:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 30,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13786506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Batalons_butt/pseuds/Batalons_butt
Summary: Jared had met Jensen when he was eighteen. He instantly took to the other man but now, well, he wasn't even sure if he even liked him. Part of Jared wanted to say that he hated him, and was only sticking around because he couldn't afford to pay the rent by himself, but another part of him was pretty certain that he was in love with Jensen Ackles.





	1. The Awkward, yet Necessary, Conversation

"Don't kick me out," pleaded the shorter man. His green eyes were wide with fear and studying Jared as if, in a glance, he was silently begging. Which, of course, he was. Jensen Ackles was begging his best friend not to throw him out of their home. The teen had nowhere else to go and honestly couldn't imagine a world where he didn't see Jared every day. Jared raised an eyebrow and stared pointedly at his friend. "Can you just leave me alone?" snapped Jared, running a hand through his hair. Jensen nodded and slowly shifted out of the living room. Jared sighed and heard his room-mate's door slam shut, also seeming sadly. Jared rubbed the back of his neck and gripped the bridge of his nose, wondering to himself how he had ended up in that situation.

  Jensen returned almost an hour later with a plate of scrambled egg on toast that he placed on Jared's lap. "I noticed you didn't eat breakfast," he murmured quietly. Jared shrugged, refusing to look at his roommate. It had been five days since Jared had found out that Jensen was a phone sex operator, but he had still not gotten over the surprise. "Please don't kick me out," Jensen repeated, sitting on the arm of the sofa beside Jared, his eyes on the slightly burnt toast. Jared sighed and shook his head, his eyes not leaving the floor. "Honestly, even if I wanted to, I don't think that I have the authority to kick you out," he told Jensen. "Your name is on the lease." Jensen felt tears welling up in his eyes, so he blinked rapidly, for once thankful that Jared wasn't looking at him. "I don't understand your problem with me," Jensen said, his voice shaky.

"What do you mean?" questioned Jared, frowning.

"It's not like I'm doing anything _wrong_ or _illegal,_ I'm literally making a living out of talking on the phone," sighed Jensen. "Yet you act like I'm working nine to five in some alley somewhere."

"I thought you had a job at the bakery," Jared snapped, refusing to answer Jensen. 

"I got the sack a little while ago," shrugged Jensen.

"I didn't know that," flared Jared indignantly.

"It wouldn't have made a difference if I told you," Jensen sighed. "I make twelve times the amount that you do at your little office and can easily pay my fair share of the rent. You know what, if you stop fuming at me I'll pay the entire thing for three months. Deal?"

"I'm not going to make anyone sell themselves just so I can avoid paying my half of the rent," snarled Jared, clearly offended. 

"Okay, A.) I don't _sell_ myself, i _talk_ to people and B.) I was offering, you wouldn't be making me and it's only fair, really," shrugged Jensen. "I make much more money than you do, so it's only fair I pay more."

"I'm doing fine," puffed Jared.

"You earn $8 an hour cleaning tables, making coffee and bowing to old duffers in bow ties," snorted Jensen. "I make $96 an hour laying on my bed talking to people. I'm failing to see the problem. None of the clients come here, they don't know who I am and there's no chance that anything bad will come of this. It helps pay the rent and the bills and it's easier than the 27 hours you put in every month."

"I don't like it," puffed Jared, aware that he was sounding like a grumpy child. Jensen nodded.

"I know," he said softly. "But you're still my best friend and, to me, living with you is pretty much perfect. Look, I'm still me and you're still you. This won't come up in conversation and it's not as if we spend days droning on about our jobs anywho."

"I still don't like it," Jared repeated.

"And I don't like that all you and your bosses think you're worth is eight bucks, yet here we are," sighed Jensen passionately. Jared had to smile. 

"So, you don't meet all your "study-partners" using your job?" snorted Jared, the smile immediately vanishing from his face. Jensen shook his head.

"Nah, they're usually pick-ups from the bar or from mutual friends," he replied. "But I can stop," he added quickly. "If it makes you uncomfortable I'll get laid at their's next time." Jared nodded curtly. "We good?" Jensen asked. Jared didn't reply. He stared up at the clock.

"I have to go to class," he sighed. "We'll talk more later." Jensen nodded, just happy that his friend was acknowledging him again. He attempted to hug Jared, but the latter dodged it, so Jensen just ruffled his hair and smirked.


	2. In the Heat of the Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared doesn't know what to do or what to say, so, he tries to say nothing at all. Jensen doesn't like that and things get out of control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I had most of the chapter done on my old laptop and had no way of retrieving it. I just re-typed it in the end.

When Jared returned, Jensen was not there. Jared supposed that he had gone to his own classes, but he wasn't certain and Jared wasn't about to ring him and ask. Instead, he made himself a sandwich in their small kitchen and strolled into the living room. The TV was still on, so Jared guessed that Jensen hadn't been gone long. Jared flicked through the channels and put his feet up on the coffee table. He never usually sat like that, but he had seen Jensen do it frequently so he thought if Jensen was able to, so could he. Jared found himself wondering when Jensen would get back, attempting to remember how many hours he was in college on Tuesdays, before snapping himself out of it. 

Jared wasn't going to kid himself. He missed Jensen's laugh and his smile and the way he ran his hand through his hair, making it stick up, when he was unsure of what to say. However, he knew that he didn't know what to say to Jensen. 

He knew that Jensen wasn't a hooker, not really, but he couldn't help feel as if he was doing something tainted, something unclean, from their home, from  _Jared's_ home.  Jared wasn't too sure why it bothered him so much, but he supposed that it was because this was so  _abnormal_. 

 Before long Jensen returned. He threw his bag onto the floor of the living room and joined Jared on the sofa. "Good day?" Jensen asked conversationally. Jared did not reply. He finished his sandwich in silence, aware that Jensen was occasionally  glancing over at him. "So, are you working today?" Jensen asked, breaking the icy silence between them. Jared nodded shortly. "What time will you be back?" Jensen wondered. Jared shrugged. Jensen continued to stare at him so Jared huffed. "I finish at seven," he muttered. "But I probably won't be back until around eight due to bus times and whatnot. Why?" 

"I was thinking of cooking steak or something," Jensen replied.

"I'll get something to eat while I'm out," Jared muttered, picking up his plate and striding to the kitchen. Against his better judgement, he did return to the living room. Jensen smiled at him, clearly not expecting him to do so.  "Are you sure?" he asked. "I've been told it's good meat,  _really_ good." 

"I'm okay, thanks," Jared murmured, his eyes on the TV. 

"Do you - do you want to talk about earlier?" Jensen questioned quietly, turning his gaze away from Jared now. Jared stood up. "I need to get ready for work," he said. "We can talk later." Jensen nodded. 

  Jared did not like the tie that he had to wear, nor did he like the shoes or the blazer, but he tolerated it. Jared's jeans were too tight as he had had them for so long and he struggled not to stain his white shirt. Jared felt ridiculous sitting on the bus dressed like some wannabe bank manager and he made sure not to make eye contact with anyone. He also made sure not to imagine what Jensen might be doing as he drove away, but he was certain that he would take advantage of not having Jared in the house. 

 Jared's boss worked on the fourth floor of the building, but Jared and the other part-time staff mainly worked on the third floor. Jared was supposed to be sorting through old files and ordering them alphabetically, but his boss often treated him like an assistant and he would be called upstairs to bring him coffee or fetch his mail, which Jared didn't appreciated. 

 Jensen was asleep on the sofa when Jared returned. Jared took his empty plate off the coffee table and placed it in the sink, ignoring the rumble in his stomach. He had been late leaving the office as his boss had demanded that he made three mugs of coffee and took them to a man he had never heard of before. So, Jared had had to rush to the bus and he had forgotten about purchasing food. Jared brushed this from his mind as he stared down at Jensen, who had his phone in one hand and an empty beer bottle in the other. Jared hated himself for it, but he was tempted to take Jensen's phone out of his hand to see who he was calling. However, as he leant over to attempt to do so, Jensen woke up. "Huh?" the man slurred. "What are you doing."

"I-I was trying to g-get the remote," Jared lied, nodding at the TV remote stuck between the two cushions.

"Go around next time, yeah," chuckled Jensen, sitting up and forcing his phone into his pocket. "Damn it," he muttered, realising that he had spilt his beer over the floor. Jared chuckled and threw his tie and blazer onto the armchair. "Where are you off?" Jensen asked, as Jared strolled towards the hallway. "I need to change," Jared shrugged. "This shirt is suffocating me." Jensen nodded.

  When Jared returned, Jensen was asleep again. His bottle had rolled onto the floor and he had placed his phone and the TV remote on the coffee table now. Jared smirking. He felt his insides lurch as he speedily picked up the device. As Jensen's breathing grew louder, Jared padded to his room and opened Jensen's phone. Jared knew the password as he had many a time helped Jensen contact his brother when they were too drunk to do much else. Jared clicked on the call history and saw that within the last hour Jensen had been on call with three unknown numbers. Jared was tempted to call one of them back until he heard Jensen's voluminous yawn from the living room. Jared panicked and closed his door tightly. He heard Jensen's footsteps padding around the living room, before entering the hallway. "Hey, Jay," Jensen called, before knocking on Jared's door. "Have you seen my-" He stopped speaking when he opened the door and stared at Jared, a guilty expression on his face and his phone in his hand. "What are you doing, buddy?" Jensen asked. Jared couldn't tell if he was angry or confused, but he bowed his head so he could avoid Jensen's gaze. "Seriously Jared, what are you doing?" Jensen snapped. Jared did not reply. "Can I have that back?" Jensen snapped. Jared nodded and threw the phone at him. "Look, Jay, what the hell man?" exasperated Jensen. "I wanna put things right, I really do, but, come on, man, you gotta work with me here." 

"I-I don't know what you do or-or say when you're working," huffed Jared.

"What?" flared Jensen. "What could I possibly be doing that would warrant my phone being searched?"

"How- how do I know you-you're not sending out our address or something," murmured Jared.

"What?" cried Jensen. "Why the bloody hell would I do that? Believe me, Jay, I don't want the clients finding our address any more than you do."

"That's hard to believe," snapped Jared. "I thought you'd like being bent over the counter like some slut."

"What the fuck?" exclaimed Jensen. "You-you can't just say that to a person, dude, what the hell. We've been over this, I get  _paid_ to  _talk_ to them and I swear that's all it is, just talking, I don't even get off all of the time."

"Well bugger for you then," huffed Jared.

"Dude, you don't get to be pissed at me," Jensen muttered. "You stole my phone. That's a massive invasion of privacy. Look, if you were that concerned that I was giving away personal information why didn't you just talk to me?"

"How would I know you were telling the truth?" Jared murmured.  Jensen widened his eyes.

"Seriously?" he spluttered. "You- you didn't think that y-you could trust me not to- not to give out our address to strangers." 

"I don't know," whispered Jared.

"Do you not understand how much our relationship means to me?" said Jensen passionately. "You're my best friend and I'll never take that for granted. Please, Jay, I'd never accuse you of giving our address to your asshole boss so don't accuse me of giving private information to my clients."

"Your- your phone calls are very different to my job," snapped Jared. "I don't know if you've gotten carried away and-and let your 'sir' know where you live." 

"What the fuck?" cried Jensen. 

"What?" mumbled Jared. 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Jensen growled. "You think I'm on the phone talking to people and I just casually tell them where we live?" Jared said nothing. "You know what, screw this. Look, I don't care about your stupid reasoning, you took my phone and now your stupid excuses are making it worse." Jared still said nothing. "Dude, I don't want to argue with you, stuff is awkward enough as it," Jensen continued. "And I don't expect you to apologize, so, just don't take my stuff without asking me, yeah?"

"Whatever," muttered Jared.

"Right," sighed Jensen, putting his phone in his pocket. "Do you want to watch a film or something?" 

"Fine," huffed Jared. 

*  *  * 

  Jared woke up late the following morning, but he didn't need to be at college until eleven, so he didn't mind. As he padded to the bathroom to clean his hair, he heard Jensen moaning in his room. At first, it sounded like he was hurt, as if he had stubbed his toe, but soon it turned wanton and desperate. "Yes," he heard Jensen cry and Jared exited the bathroom. Jared sent a dark glower at Jensen's door before padding into the kitchen to make some cereal. 

 Jared had found the box of cereal in the cupboard under the sink, opposed to the cupboard over the fridge where it should have been, when Jensen padded into the room. He was wearing his boxers and a loose grey t-shirt and his forehead was plastered in sweat. "Oh, hey," he said awkwardly. Jared narrowed his eyes at him. "Yes, I heard that," he snapped, pouring milk onto his cereal. Jensen sighed.

"Sorry," he muttered. "I'd thought you had left already." 

"Well, I'm still here," puffed Jared. "Did you have cereal this morning?"

"Uh... yeah," muttered Jensen. "But I was like really drunk."

"You seem okay," said Jared.

"It was like one in the morning," shrugged Jensen. "Was it a mess?"

"It was in the bleach cupboard," Jared told him.

"Oh, sorry," Jensen muttered, as his phone began to ring. His cheeks flushed red.

"Don't you have like an office or something you could go into when answering that?" Jared asked. "Isn't that how it works?"

"There is an office, yes," Jensen replied. "But i don't have to be there. I suppose you'd prefer it if I was."

"I don't care," snarled Jared.

"Really?" snorted Jensen. "Because it seems like you do."

"What do you want me to say?" flared Jared.

"I want you to tell me what you want me to do," Jensen replied simply. "I want to know why you suddenly think I'm the scum of the earth."

"I want you to either get a job or stop taking your calls in my house," snapped Jared. "And I think you're the scum of the earth because you're a pathetic whore who tried to use your pay check to make me feel bad about my job."

"I did no such thing," huffed Jensen.

"Yeah, you did," snapped Jared. "Literally yesterday."

"I didn't say that to make you feel bad," cried Jensen. "I told you so you'd understand why this isn't a bad idea and it  _is_ a job. I feel bad for you, dude, I think you deserve so much more than what your being paid right now, but I'd never try to make you feel bad because of that. That's out of your control."

"I guess you're out of my control too," sighed Jared.

"Obviously," chuckled Jensen. "Look, I'm not a whore, a hooker, a slut or anything like that, okay. The clients have no idea where we live and I've been assured that nobody can trace the calls. I get why hearing it makes you uncomfortable, but I've never answered when I knew you were home."  

"So sorry if my wanting a nap ruins your work environment," scoffed Jared.

"You know that's not what I meant," groaned Jensen. 

"Just shut up, Jen," snapped Jared. "You're not helping yourself here. Just- just leave me alone."

"Look, Jay, I don't want to make things worse," moaned Jensen. "I just want to know what the hell your problem is."

"My problem is you," snarled Jared. "And  _this_. And I-I don't feel comfortable with you doing it in the house."

"I'm just on the phone, Jay," Jensen said softly. "It's nothing more than that. Please, listen to me, I'm not trying to make you feel bad or uncomfortable here."

"I think we- I just need some space," snapped Jared, narrowing his eyes.

"I have nowhere else to go," said Jensen weakly. 

"Fine, I'll go," puffed Jared. He left his bowl on the counter and strode to the living room.

"What, no!" exclaimed Jensen. "That's the opposite of solving the problem."

"Oh, go back to your Johns," cried Jared, picking up his rucksack. "I've got classes to get to." Jensen nodded dumbly. 

*  *  * 

 Jared did not head to his apartment after class. Instead, he got onto the bus and headed into a coffee shop that was near his office. He phone them up and told the receptionist that he had had to stay after class and wouldn't make it to work and she said his boss wouldn't pay him for the entire week. Jared didn't like that, but he didn't know what to say, so he agreed and hung up. Jared ordered himself a mocha to go and sat on a bench looking at the road. "Hey, Jay," came a familiar voice. Jared turned around to see his brother staring down at him, gesturing for a girl with long, blonde hair to enter the coffee shop without him. "Hey," Jared muttered.

"What's wrong?" his brother asked.

"Nothing," Jared replied. 

"I know that pout, kid," laughed his brother. "Seriously, what's up?" 

"I-I don't really want to-to be around Jensen right now, that's all," Jared muttered. 

"Well, why don't you come and sit with Cherry and me?" suggested his brother. "Mark's in Tennessee all week so you can have his room if needs be." Jared smiled and joined his brother in the coffee shop. 


	3. Sleepover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen wants Jared to return to the apartment. Jared wants Jensen to stop having phone sex in said apartment.

 Jared spent the next two nights sleeping in Mark's bedroom. It was smaller than his brother's and smelt strongly of deodorant, but it was better than nothing. His brother's home was closer to the college campus, too, so Jared did not have to leave so early in hope of being on time. 

Although he was living with him, Jared didn't see much of his brother, who spent most of his time either at college or at Cherry's house. Jared's brother was twenty-one and did not feel the need to babysit Jared, which was fine with him, but he did find that he was growing lonely in the flat that wasn't his as time went on. 

 Jared was leaving his English class three days after leaving his apartment the next time he saw Jensen. He was finished for the day and intending to visit the coffee shop he liked before work when Jensen practically walked into him. "Sorry," Jared mumbled, not noticing who it was as he went to pick up his textbook from the ground. As he stood up, he realised that it was Jensen and narrowed his eyes. "Hey," Jensen said awkwardly. "Can- can we talk. Please?" Jared frowned. He didn't know what to say. Honestly, he knew it was a bad idea to go and talk to Jensen as not only did he need to go to work, but he didn't really have much to say to him and he knew he would probably get angry, but, on the other hand, he did miss him, as much as he hated to admit it. "I have work in less than an hour," Jared told him after a long pause. Jensen nodded and practically dragged him out of the building, towards the bus stop. "So, were you just waiting for me or something?" Jared asked. "Cos I know you don't have any classes after twelve today." Jensen laughed and nodded, his eyes twinkling. 

 Jensen ordered them both a hot chocolate and they sat on the bench outside the coffee shop. Jared kept his eyes down as Jensen unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt. "How are you?" he asked conversationally.  Jared shrugged and sipped his beverage. It was boiling hot and he felt it burn his tongue, but he made sure Jensen didn't notice this.  Jensen nodded at him and ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick up in multiple places like Jared knew it would. Jensen smiled at Jared, but he didn't say anything for a while. "I miss you, okay," he eventually said, his eyes latching onto Jared's. "A-And the apartment feels empty when you're gone, but it's even worse than when you visit your parents because I don't know when you're coming back, if you ever do. And I-I'm scared cos I've never had to live alone before and now I-I do and I don't want to. Please, Jared,  _please_ come home." Jared stared at Jensen as he spoke, unsure what to make of him. He could tell that Jensen was being sincere, but he found it hard to believe that the other man honestly cared that much when he had been so casual with having phone sex throughout the house. "I-I don't think I can," Jared replied. Jensen stared at him, wide eyed and sad.

"Why?" he asked, his voice hoarse. 

"I-I can't force myself to feel comfortable in that environment," Jared replied. 

"What environment?" Jensen asked. "One with me in it?"

"Not you," Jared said slowly. "But, well, knowing what you do in-in our home it doesn't make me feel too comfortable, you know." 

"S-So if I stopped working from home you'd come back?" Jensen asked, grinning hopefully.

"I-I guess," replied Jared. "I suppose the discomfort would be gone, however, I don't expect you to do that because you're not an office human."

"What's that supposed to mean?" laughed Jensen.

"Well, when I think about your natural habitat I don't think of an office," Jared shrugged. 

"My natural habitat?" snorted Jensen. Jared nodded. "Look," Jensen began quietly. "C-Could you come back tonight, please? Everything's so weird without you."

"No," Jared replied certainly.

"Why?" Jensen asked. "I-I've got a work phone now so I-I just turn it off when I know you- or anyone- will be about."

"You gave the operators your actual number? Jesus, Jay, how stupid are you?" groaned Jared. 

"Shut up," flared Jensen. "I don't want to start another argument, I just want you to come home." His eyes never left Jared's face as he sipped his own hot chocolate, feeling the liquid warm his mouth as Jared shifted uncomfortably under his prolonged gaze. Jared drank his own beverage, feeling awkward, before sighing. "I just want to sleep, to be honest with you, Jay," he muttered. "And I don't think I'm awake or alert enough to have this conversation yet." Jensen bowed his head. Jared stood up and, as he did, his phone began to ring. "Shit," he murmured. Jensen raised an eyebrow. "It's Sandy," Jared said.

"Who?" Jensen asked.

"She's the receptionist at work," Jared said quickly. "I'm more than twenty minutes late. Shit, shit, shitting fuck." Jensen laughed, watching Jared pace up and down the pavement, wondering whether or not he should answer the call. "I gotta go," he said, marching towards the bus stop.

"Wait," Jensen called.

"What?" Jared snapped irritably. 

"This is yours," Jensen said pointedly, handing Jared his backpack.

"Oh, thanks," Jared said. He strolled briskly onto a bus and rolled his eyes when Jensen followed him on.

"Isn't your office like around the corner?" Jensen asked, sitting beside Jared. "Why do you need the bus?"

"I'll need to go home and change first," Jared told him.

"Okay," Jensen said nodding. "That makes sense."

"Do you have your work phone on you right now?" Jared asked, his voice quiet so the middle aged man staring at them couldn't hear him.

"No," Jensen replied slowly, clearly unsure why Jared was asking that. 

"You can come to my brother's place for a bit, then, if you want," Jared sighed. "To be honest, it's kinda lonely there too."

"But you have your brother," Jensen said.

"Yeah, but he's barely home," Jared shrugged. "And-and he's not you." Jensen grinned. 

  Jared had meant to get changed and run to the bus stop again, but he found that he could not find his shoes. He flung himself onto his bed and soon fell asleep. He awoke to Jensen knocking the door awkwardly. "Uh, hey," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. Jared nodded at him, his eyes still a little dazed. "Uh, your brother's here," Jensen told him quietly, slowly shuffling closer to Jared.

"Oh, okay," Jared murmured. "What time is it?"

"Just after seven," Jensen replied softly.

"Fuck me," groaned Jared. Jensen chuckled. 

"Yeah," Jensen murmured. "I was going to wake you, but, well, you looked so peaceful."

"You watched me sleep?" Jared chuckled.

"Well, about an hour ago I realised that you hadn't actually left yet," Jensen replied. "I had thought that because I felt uncomfortable it was as if the time was going by really slowly and it felt like forever, but, no, it had actually been two hours." 

"Great," groaned Jared. He threw off his dress shirt and tugged his comfy, loose t-shirt over his head. "You hungry?" he asked Jensen, who nodded. Jared lead the way into the living room.

  Jared's brother was sitting on the sofa, sipping a beer and staring at the TV. "Hey, kiddos," he said, smiling as Jared slid onto the sofa beside him. Jensen lingered in the doorway, refusing to approach.  "Can we order a pizza or something?" Jared asked, rubbing the back of his neck and leaning against the old cushions of the second-hand sofa. His brother shrugged. "Order whatever," he said. "I'm going out in like twenty minutes, though, but you know where the envelope is." Jared nodded and led Jensen into the kitchen.

  The menus of all the local delivery places and the envelope of money Jared's brother spent on said delivery places were on top of the silver fridge. Jared pulled down the menus and offered them to Jensen to peruse, while glancing up at the ticking clock. Jensen yawned as his phone began to ring. He frowned down at it, before turning it off. "Who's that?" Jared asked, wondering who had earned the disgusted expression that had been plastered on Jensen's face when he had looked down at the name. 

"My mother, for some reason," Jensen replied. "And, honestly, there's too much going on for me to want to deal with her right now."

 "What's she like?" Jared asked. 

"Not as bad as my father," shrugged Jensen. "But, well, he's the more domineering of the two so it's not like she ever stood up for me as a kid. Honestly, I'm not certain she ever wanted children or if that was just his decision." Jensen shook his head.

"I'm sorry," Jared whispered. Jensen raised an eyebrow. "I shouldn't have made you talk about them," Jared mumbled.

"You didn't make me do anything," Jensen told him. "Besides, if it wasn't for you I probably would've had to go back to the old cow anyway, so ask away. Anyway, it's not like I don't interrogate you about your family."

"Yes, but, see, my family like me," Jared said. "OH MY GOD," he exclaimed. Jensen laughed. "That was horrible, I'm sorry."

"Shut up and don't worry about it," shrugged Jensen. "It's cool." 

  When Jared's brother left, Jared ordered the pizza and offered Jensen a beer, which he accepted graciously. "My sister hates pizza," Jared said conversationally, filling in the silence between them. "She can't stand cheese." Jensen snorted and swigged his beer, his eyes on the TV, which was playing the same film Jared's brother had been watching as neither of the young men had bothered to turn over. "Wow," Jensen muttered. "And I thought I was strange for hating white chocolate." Jared, who was sipping his beer, nodded.

"You are," he said. "White chocolate is a cure for all imperfections, so, i suppose that explains a lot."

"Gee, thanks," Jensen said through gritted teeth.

 Once the film ended and the pizza had been devoured, Jared soon grew very sleepy again. He yawned and glanced over at Jensen, who was already asleep on the sofa. Jared covered him in the blanket that Cherry had placed on the armchair and strolled to his room. He flung off his shirt and jeans, before hopping into bed and yawning again. It was quite cold in his room and he could hear the fierce wind outside, but that didn't stop him speedily falling asleep. 

 Jensen woke him at two in the morning. "Wha' do ya wan'?" slurred Jared, rubbing his eyes as he sat up. Jensen smiled at the sight, his eyes going from the little hair on Jared's bare chest to his rapidly blinking eyes. "Uh, I guess I should go," Jensen murmured. "But I didn't want to you know, flee, or anything so, yeah, see ya."

"You can stay if you want," Jared yawned. 

"Really?" Jensen asked hopefully.

"Well, it would be reckless wandering the streets at this time of night," chuckled Jared. "And if you get attacked I don't want that on my conscience."

"Fair point," Jensen muttered. "But, um... not to be rude or anything, but where can I sleep?" Jared huffed. 

"Is the sofa not good enough for you?" he chuckled.

"My neck's sore," Jensen replied. 

"Well, I suppose we can go tops and tails," Jared shrugged, handing Jensen a flat pillow. Jensen nodded. He, too, threw off his shirt and shorts before clambering into bed, making sure that his foot his Jared's nose just to annoy him. "Nice," Jared muttered. Jensen sniggered. 


	4. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's life seems to hit rock bottom, so Jensen decides to prove to him that he is a worthy friend in hopes to win him back. Also, Jared has to deal with maybe being attracted to Jensen (again)

Jared spent another week at his brother's house before Mark, the unknown room-mate returned. Jared thanked his brother and left without a debate, not wanting to over-stay his welcome, and took to sitting at a bench in the local park, trying to work out what to do. He tried not to watch the many people wandering around holding hands, reminding him of his own loneliness, but he couldn't for too long.

He sat there in silence for a few hours, until he felt someone pat his shoulder. "Hey, Jared," muttered a familiar voice. Jared turned around and squinted, as it was dark now, and puffed when he recognised Jensen. "How are you?" Jensen asked. Jared shrugged. Jensen gingerly sat beside him and, when Jared did not object, slung his arm over the other man's shoulder. "Do you want to talk about anything?" Jensen asked slowly. When Jared did not reply, he tightened his grip on his friend's shoulder and smiled. Jared nodded slowly at him. "I don't know," he replied.

"Are you okay?" Jensen wondered.

"I suppose," shrugged Jared.

"Do you want a coffee or something?" Jensen asked. "My treat." 

"No," Jared replied glumly. "I'll pass."

"Would you be willing to go somewhere warmer?" Jensen questioned.

"I've got work in about twenty minutes," muttered Jared.

"I won't keep you past then," Jensen promised. Jared shrugged. 

  Jared allowed Jensen to convince him to enter the library across the road. They sat at the back, at one of the computers that never worked, and enjoyed the warmth of the radiator behind them. "How's your brother?" Jensen asked. Jared shrugged. "D-Do  you still live with him?" Jensen asked.  

"No," replied Jared. "His room-mate is back."

"Where are you staying now?" Jensen asked, frowning. 

"Around," shrugged Jared. 

"H-Have you considered returning home soon?" Jensen asked hopefully. 

"Look, Jen, just say the word and I'll give you half the rent," Jared said.

"You don't have to do that," Jensen replied quickly. "I can afford it."

"I'm not a prick," flared Jared. "My name's on the lease and I'm not going to make you pay it all."

"I'll never make you pay again if you come back," Jensen whispered.

"You're not  _making_ me pay," sighed Jared. "I have to. That's how it works." 

"One of the pair of us has to pay it," shrugged Jensen. "I won't mind if you don't want to, you've barely been there this month."

"Jensen, chill, I'll give you the money," groaned Jared. 

"You don't have to," argued Jensen. "You're my best friend. I don't care if you don't pay."

"Jensen, stop it," Jared snapped. "I can afford to give you the fucking money okay, don't be a dick." 

"Okay," murmured Jensen quietly. "Sorry if I've upset you, I just want you to come home." 

"Sorry if I'm not accustomed to listening to you getting strangers off in the other room," flared Jared. 

"And I told you that I wouldn't do that in the house once you moved in," snapped Jensen.

"I don't believe you," snarled Jared.

"Why not?" Jensen asked sadly.

"You had me believe that you were still working at the bakery for months," Jared replied, glancing at his watch. 

"I didn't know how to bring it up with you," Jensen sighed. "Listen, I know you have a job to go to, but can I meet you afterwards, please?"

"Fine," huffed Jared. 

  However, Jared did not meet Jensen after work. Instead of heading to the coffee shop where Jensen was waiting, Jared went with some of his co-workers to a bar, where he bought a ginger beer and a packet of peanuts. One of his co-workers allowed him to nap on her couch that night, but Jared still had to go back to his brother's to retrieve his suitcase in the morning, where his college books were. 

 Jensen went to Jared's second class that afternoon, right before the man was about to head to lunch. "Hey, Jay," Jensen called, diving off the windowsill he had been perched on and grabbed Jared's wrist. "Where were you yesterday?" he questioned, releasing Jared's wrist and staring at him, a hurt expression plastered onto his face. Jared huffed grumpily. "I was busy, okay," he puffed.

"You could have told me," Jensen said sadly. "I thought something happened to you." 

"I didn't realise you'd worry," mumbled Jared. "Do you want to come with me to get lunch?" Jensen nodded. 

  Jared ate his pizza in silence. He had agreed to go back to eat at their apartment, although he had silently promised himself not to stay the night. "Are you working tonight?" Jensen asked him. Jared shook his head. "No," he replied. "I have the next two days off." 

"Do you want to hang out somewhere?" Jensen asked.

"Uh... I don't know," shrugged Jared. 

"We could go to the cinema," suggested Jensen. "Remember when we used to do that every day?"

"Yes, I remember," Jared said shortly. "But, sure, why not." 

 Jared had no idea what film they were watching as the pair waltzed in late and Jensen had convinced Jared to let him buy the tickets, but Jared found that he didn't care because he enjoyed Jensen's company too much. He spent almost the entire time with watching his friend instead of the film. As he spoke, Jared couldn't help staring at Jensen's beautiful green eyes. 

Jared wasn't new to noticing how attractive Jensen was. When they had met he had found himself with kind of a crush on him, but as time went on and he formed a stronger friendship with the man, he thought that said attraction was gone. Apparently he was wrong as now he found himself drooling as he stared at his friend's chiseled jaw line. 

As much as he would have preferred to speak to Jensen some more, Jared decided after the film was over it would be better for him to excuse himself from his friend's company. "I'll see you around, then," Jensen mumbled. Jared waved to him and decided to head back to his brother's apartment. He knocked the door and smiled when he opened the door. "Hey, Jay," his brother muttered. "Do you want to come in for some food?" Jared nodded, although he wasn't feeling particularly hungry. 

  Jared managed to avoid Jensen the following day, but two days later, Jensen stopped him on his way to work. "Hey," Jensen murmured sheepishly. "Do you want to go for food after your shift?" 

"I don't know," Jared replied. "I'm normally pretty tired."

"Makes sense," shrugged Jensen. "Do you want to just come back to the apartment for food then? I promise that my cooking beats the fast food you usually get." 

"I don't know," Jared muttered.

"Look, dude, I don't want to be harsh but I know that you were sleeping on the streets last night," Jensen murmured awkwardly. "And you know that I  _can't_ allow that, Jay."

"It's nothing to do with you, Jensen," flared Jared angrily.

"Come on, Jared, you can't claim that it's not because of-of this thing between us that you chose to do that," Jensen grumbled.

"So what?" scoffed Jared.

"Jay, you'd never let me end up back on the street so why should I let you?" Jensen sighed. "I love you, man, please." 

"I've gotta go, Jensen," Jared said, trying not to blush when he heard that Jensen loved him. Jensen nodded graciously. 

  Jared's shift started normally. He dropped off the alphabetized files to his manager and followed the co-worker who allowed him to sleep on her sofa to the staff room. "You need to deliver coffee to room 32B," she told him. Jared nodded and used the machine to make the coffee, before striding from the staff room to the lift. He was the only one in the lift when he got there, but as they went up to the first floor, two older men joined him. Jared tried to ignore the vibration of his phone in his back pocket until they left on the second floor. Jared pulled his phone out on the way to the third floor. "Um... hey," Jared murmured.

"Is this Jared padalecki?" an unknown voice asked, although Jared was sure his mother had rung him.

"Yes," Jared replied.

"I'm sorry, son, but your Mammy she ain't- she got into a crash," the man said. He had a thick, English accent and appeared to be awkward. "She didn't make it, son, I'm sorry." Jared hung up the phone and forced him phone into his pocket. Tears fell out of his eyes as the doors opened. "Move," barked a voice. Jared nodded and slowly walked, but his shaky hands dropped the mug, onto the man's feet. 

  Jared couldn't find it in him to care that he was fired. He exited the building speedily and kicked the bin outside. "You okay?" Jensen asked, strolling towards him. "You're out early." Jared shrugged and slumped onto a bench. He threw off his tie and threw it into the pond in the park that was beside the building that he worked at. Jensen sat beside him and slung his arm around his shoulder, allowing Jared to drop his head onto his shoulder. "Are you okay?" Jensen wondered, running his hand through Jared's hair. Jared sobbed. "My mother she-she-she," he cried.

"What?" Jensen asked. Jared peered down at his phone the pinged, alerting him that his brother had found out too. "Shit," Jensen muttered, obviously seeing the message. 

"Please leave me alone," sniffed Jared, not wanting to be on a bench with his head on Jensen's shoulder. He could hear Jensen's heart beat and he could smell Jensen's musk, but he didn't care. "No," Jensen murmured. "Let's get you home."

  Jared fell asleep on the sofa in the apartment almost immediately after returning and, when he awoke, Jensen was nowhere to be seen. Jared couldn't be bothered to ring him, so he just made himself some cereal and flicked through the TV channels. "Hey," Jensen said, running into the apartment. Jared nodded at him. 

"Hello," he mumbled.

"How are you?" Jensen asked.

"Okay," Jared shrugged. "I think. Where did you go?"

"Oh, uh... work," Jensen murmured uncomfortably. 

"You have a new job?" Jared asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, no, no," Jensen said quickly. "But we agreed that I wouldn't work from home anymore, so I didn't."

"Oh," Jared said. 

"Want a beer?" Jensen asked. 

"Since when can you buy beer?" Jared asked.

"There's a pretty shady shop in town that doesn't ID you," shrugged Jensen. 

"Sounds great," chuckled Jared. "But yeah, I'll take a beer." Jensen smiled. 

  Jared blamed the alcohol. He had had more than five cans by the time that he had decided he was just going to spend the night with Jensen, who allowed him to rest his head on his chest as they sat on the sofa. "Love you," Jared mumbled sleepily. Jensen grinned and ruffled his hair. "Good Jensen," chuckled Jared. Jensen grinned again. "So pretty," Jared added. Jensen laughed.

"You're drunk, Jay," he chuckled. Jared shrugged. Jensen smiled and patted Jared's cheek. Jared kissed him. 

He hadn't meant to, it just happened. His tongue battled Jensen's for dominance, before submitting when he realised that  _Jensen was kissing him back_. He could have squealed with delight had he not have been preoccupied with undoing Jensen's trousers. However, Jensen, who had had significantly less to drink than Jared, batted his hands away. "No," he whispered, kissing Jared's cheek. "Love you, boy, but no. You're drunk." Jared pouted and soon fell asleep. 


	5. A Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically just the aftermath of the last chapter.  
> Also, for the first time, this is Jensen-centric

Jensen did not expect Jared to want to talk about what had happened the previous night, so he was surprised to have been awoken by a groggy, hungover Jared feeding him a plate of egg and bacon on a tray with some coffee. "Morning," Jensen yawned, grinning at his friend, who nodded and placed the tray onto his lap. Jensen sipped his piping hot coffee. "How-how are you?" Jared asked, lingering in the doorway. Jensen frowned. He couldn't tell if Jared was trying to cause him to forget the previous night or if he was apologising for it. "Just great, Jay," he replied, smiling at his friend. "How are you?" Jared shrugged. Jensen could sense that there was something Jared wasn't telling him, but he didn't want to pry. He was hoping that Jared did not regret kissing him because Jensen thought that the younger man was very cute, but he also hoped that Jared was planning on moving into the apartment again because he had missed him. "Do you want to sit down?" Jensen asked, indicating to the foot of his bed. Jared smiled sweetly and sat down, his eyes never leaving Jensen's face. "So, did you sleep well?" Jared asked. 

"Yeah," Jensen murmured. "Did you?"

"I suppose," Jared replied. "Uh... do you remember much about yesterday?"

"Yes," Jensen said, smirking. "I wasn't as drunk as you."

"Shit," mumbled Jared.

"Are you holding up okay?" Jensen asked.

"About what?" Jared asked. "The-the my mother thing or the-the  _us_ thing." 

"I meant the hangover you've definitely got, but now I seem unsympathetic," mumbled Jared. "How are you in general, Jared?"

"I'm not too bad, thanks, Jensen," Jared replied, grinning. "I-I supposed once the hangover passes the reality will set in, but until then, I could be worse." Jensen nodded and peered down at his food. "I'm not trying to sound like a brat," he began slowly. "But you didn't give me any cutlery." Jared rolled his eyes and frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. "I knew I forgot something," he muttered. "Do you want me to get some?"

"Nah, I'll get it," shrugged Jensen. "Want to meet me in the living room?" Jared nodded and took the tray from Jensen's lap and strode to the living room, while Jensen sipped his coffee and padded to the kitchen. He pulled a knife and fork out of the draw before joining Jared on the sofa. "Hey," Jared said, offering him the tray. Jensen smiled and put his coffee on the coffee table, before taking the tray and placing it on his lap. "Can we talk?" Jared asked nervously. 

"Sure," Jensen said slowly. "But, are you sure you want to now?"

"Yes," Jared insisted. "I know I'm hungover but I need to discuss this today."

"Okay," Jensen sighed. "I'm not in college today though, so we have all day."

"Can't we just get it over with now?" Jared huffed.

"Okay," Jensen replied, biting into his crispy bacon. 

"I really like you," Jared began awkwardly. "And I don't regret kissing you. I-I-I regret the timing and how drunk I was and what I tried to do to you after the kiss, but I can't say I regret it."

"Thanks, I guess," murmured Jensen, his cheeks flushing pink. 

"But, we can't be together," Jared muttered quickly. "I love you so fucking much and I wish we could do stupid things like kiss under the stars every night and hold hands wherever we walk. I-I want to try things with you and make out with you when drinking coffee without feeling awkward because I  _love_ you, but I-I-I can't." Jensen nodded. He could see tears prickling in Jared's eyes and he didn't want to hurt him, but he couldn't help wondering why. "Look, I get that you're in a pretty bad place right now," he began slowly. "But I need to know why you don't want to be with me. I know that you don't have to tell me, but, could you?" He ate some of his eggs, which weren't too pleasant with no disrespect meant to Jared or his cooking ability, and smiled at Jared. "I do care about you," Jared said. "But this isn't going to work. I know I'll probably regret this, but there's too much going on right now. I-I appreciate everything you've ever done for me so yeah."

"I've done jack for you, Jay," Jensen said. "You're the reason I'm not fucking dead."

"I love you," whispered Jared through the tears now dripping down his cheeks. 

"I love you too, Jay," Jensen said, dropping his arm over Jared's shoulders. "So much. But, yeah, I guess that you need a friend more than a boyfriend now."

"Yeah," Jared hiccuped. "B-but I can't lie to you, dude."

"What do you mean?" Jensen asked curiously.

"The-the job thing is kinda an issue to me too," Jared whispered. "I don't mean to be even more than a dick than I've already been, but I-I can't wrap my head around being with someone who will pretend to get off with other people all day." 

"Oh," was all Jensen could say. He could hear that his voice was betraying how sad and crestfallen he felt, but he couldn't help it. He was hoping that he and Jared could be a thing once he had healed from the family problems that were about to arise, but since he didn't plan to quit his job anytime soon, he supposed that his dream was just a fantasy. "I-I'm not going to pretend to be sorry," Jared whispered. "But I hope I haven't hurt you." Jensen nodded and tightened his grip on Jared's shoulder, hoping to convey to him that he was still loved. "Are you going in to college today?" he asked. 

"No," Jared replied. "My brother is going to ask someone to send him the work for me to do at-at home, but he's planning to pick me up tomorrow to speak to dad if-if you don't mind me staying."

"It's still your home, Jay," Jensen said, running his hand through Jared's hair. 

"If you don't want me around, I'll go," Jared said sharply. "I'm not- I can't take being in another uncomfortable situation."

"I fucking need you, man," Jensen said gruffly. Jared nodded. 

  Jensen didn't bother getting dressed until one, when he ventured into the kitchen and realised that they were running out of food. "I'm going shopping," he announced, taking his wallet from the top of the fridge. "Any requests?"  he asked Jared, who was still lying on the sofa in the living room. Jared shook his head. Jensen nodded and strode out of the apartment. "Will you be here when I get back?" 

"Yeah," Jared replied. "I'm staying." 

"Good," Jensen said grinning. He knew that this wasn't what he had hoped for and that he may never get to kiss Jared's cute face again, but he was happy that he was no longer alone, and since Jared had already told him that he loved him, they had made a pretty good start at repairing their relationship.


	6. Lust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been a month and Jared wanted him so bad, but he didn't want to go back on his original statement as Jensen was still employed.

It had been a month since Jared had returned to the apartment and he was beginning to return to his life now. His brother had continued to bring him work from his professors and lecturers do to at the apartment so he did not have to leave while he was struggling to come to terms with how life would be without his mother. It was comforting to have Jensen's support and just seeing him boosted Jared's mood. He was happy that his friend- who was now his friend again- was willing to understand what he wasn't comfortable with. As much as he regretted it, since he did not have a job and had little money, he had allowed Jensen to convince him that he could pay the rent that month without Jared fretting about having to make money. 

 Jared found that his life was easier when he didn't think about Jensen's job and he found that doing that helped him get used to being relaxed around Jensen again. When they had started living together, they had never discussed what they did, but Jensen knew that Jared was part of the office staff at the company he worked for and Jared had known that Jensen had been a cashier at a bakery for a period of time, but they never talked about work unless either of them were extremely enraged. 

Jared could spend hours just staring into Jensen's eyes, but he found that it was even more fun to stare at him while making him laugh, as his joyful expression was even more beautiful than his normal face. 

When Jared returned to college he was keen to keep to himself He struggled not to fall asleep in his morning lecture as he was not used to waking up so early in the morning. When the lecture was finally over, he was one of the first out of the door and he was quite happy to feel a familiar hand grip his shoulder. Jared assumed that it would be Jensen, but when he turned around his brother was grinning down at him. "Morning lil brother," the man said, grinning. Jared smiled back at him, masking his disappointment that his best friend had not turned up. "I think it's afternoon now," Jared said cockily. 

"Alright," chuckled his brother. "How's your day been?" 

"Not too bad," shrugged Jared. "How was yours?"

"Okay," his brother replied. "Look, do you want to go for coffee or something?" Jared shrugged. 

  Jared could not work out if his brother was taking him out to cheer him up or because something was wrong. They drank their coffee on the bench outside. "So, my last exam is next week," his brother began awkwardly. "And, well, Dad has asked me to go home early and, well, he said he'd prefer it if you stay here until the end of term."

"Oh," Jared said glumly.

"He just needs to get used to being alone and he said it wouldn't be great for you to miss more school," his brother said. Jared nodded. 

 Jared's brother walked him back to college for his afternoon lecture, but Jared had to make his way to his apartment alone. When he returned, he was ready to go to sleep, but he could hear moaning coming from Jensen's room. Of course, Jared assumed that he was working again, which bothered him. He strode down the hallway to Jensen's room, where the door was open. Inside, Jared could see Jensen panting and leaning over a man shorter than him with thick, brown hair who was moaning. Jared could work out many of his features, but he could tell that the man had what looked like a red handprint on his ass and he was gripping onto the sheets. Jared wanted to back away, but his eyes were glued to Jensen as he continued to thrust. Neither seemed away that Jared was watching them and Jared wanted it to stay like that. He watched as Jensen moaned, his head rolling backwards, his eyes shut in ecstasy, before the other man groaned, rutting into the sheets. Jared could feel the growth in his shorts as Jensen kissed the man's back. Jared padded down to the bathroom and locked the door. He gripped his red, hard cock and groaned. It only took him a few strokes before he was spilling into the toilet. 

 Jared was sitting on the sofa when Jensen and his companion strode through. Jensen glanced at him awkwardly as the other man left, not looking back at Jensen. "Hey," Jensen murmured awkwardly, sitting on the sofa. He didn't sit right next to Jared, but he sat close enough that Jared could gaze into his green eyes again. "Afternoon," Jared slowly muttered. Jensen chuckled. "I'm guessing you heard some of that," he mumbled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing at the soccer game on the TV that Jared was watching. "Uh, yeah," Jared replied uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry," Jensen said quickly. "I didn't plan for that to happen, just one thing led to another and you know-" 

"Yeah," shrugged Jared. He felt sick inside and he couldn't work out if that was because he felt bad for spying on Jensen and his partner or because he was jealous. Jared knew that he had wanted to be the one with Jensen, but he knew that that wouldn't happen. "I'm sorry," Jensen murmured. "I've ruined everything again, haven't i? Fuck. Things were just getting good again." Jared shook his head.

"You haven't ruined anything," he sighed. "I don't get to be mad at you over this."

"But I told you that I'd go to their house next time i was going to hook up with someone," Jensen murmured.

"I know," huffed Jared. "But there's no point turning this into a big deal you-you hooked up with him, right?"

"What do you mean?" Jensen asked, inching closer to Jared on the sofa.

"He isn't your boyfriend or anything, right?" Jared asked.

"No no no," Jensen replied quickly. "Just a hook up." 

"Okay," Jared sighed. "Not that it's any of my business or anything," he added quickly. "I was just curious. I-"

"Relax, Jay, I get it," Jensen chuckled, dropping his head onto Jared's shoulder and grinning. Jared smoothed the side of his face and smiled down at him. He wished he could ignore how beautiful Jensen looked, but he couldn't. "This situation confuses me too," Jensen whispered. 

"What confuses you?" Jared asked.

"You love me," Jensen sighed. "And I know that you don't want to hurt me and I'd definitely never do anything to deliberately hurt you, yet it's still not perfect." 

"I don't know what to say," Jared muttered. "I just can't date someone who gets off with other people."

"I don't get off with them," Jensen murmured. "I get them off, yes, but I'm not into it."

"Never?" inquired Jared.

"Rarely," replied Jensen.

"I just can't do it," huffed Jared. "And it sucks because I really love you and I'm so fucking jealous that you can just casually hook up with people but whenever I feel remotely attracted to someone my brain reminds me they're not you and then the only thing I can do is remember that kiss and damn it."

"Chill, Jay," sighed Jensen. Jared glowered at him. "Did you just say that you jerk off thinking about kissing me?" Jensen asked.

"Shut up," mumbled Jared, pretty certain he didn't actually say that, although it wasn't a lie.

"I don't know if that's sweet or weird," chuckled Jensen. 

"Shut up," snapped Jared. 

" _And_ your jealous of the mystery guy I hooked up with," Jensen laughed. "Wow Jared."

"I didn't say that," flared Jared.

"What are you jealous of then, sweetheart?" Jensen asked.

"Shut up," repeated Jared, blushing. 

"Look, I don't understand the problem, okay," Jensen said slowly. "Please can you try to explain it again."

"I don't want a friends with benefits thing," Jared said. "I want to hold your hand and make out with you in parks, but I can't knowing that you spend hours getting other people off and thinking about them and how-how turned on they are."

"It's not like I'm a hooker, though," Jensen told him. "Not that I have anything against hookers, I'm sure their lives are hard, but the people don't see me and I don't see them. They just hear my voice and listen to my words, but you, god, I'd give you everything and anything." Jared shook his head. 

"But it's still you," Jared muttered. "And I know it's not the same as you hooking up with nine people a day, but it's too similar." 

"Jared, dude, come on-" Jensen whispered, pressing his face into the crook of Jared's neck.

"Look, it's weird okay, because as your asshole room-mate I want you to keep the job so we're not homeless as I'm such a dick I can't be bothered to get a job," huffed Jared.

"You're not an asshole for not dedicating your time to getting a new job," flared Jensen, backing away so he was facing Jared. "You've been through a lot recently and that hasn't been your priority. I don't mind, really. You paid rent alone for the first three months I lived here with you and you never once complained. Hell, you paid for everything."

"Exceptional circumstances," Jared whispered.

"I didn't have a job either," Jensen shrugged.

"Shut up," sighed Jared. "But look, while part of me wants you to keep your job, as your best friend I think it's dangerous and it scares me and I don't know why. As your worrisome room-mate, yes he's different to the asshole, I still fear that your clients will find us and fuck you in front of me or on our table or something. A-A-As the guy who really wants to kiss you I don't know, man, I-"

"It's fine to not know, Jared," Jensen murmured. "I won't fault you at that, but I can assure you that it's not dangerous, you're at no risk, and no beefy fucker is gonna march in here and dick me, okay." 

"Yeah, sorry," Jared sighed.

"Don't be sorry," Jensen said kindly. "But, just try to understand that this isn't a big deal, okay. They don't know me, I don't know them and, yes, I'm popular because I'm more energetic and into it than most, but, hey, that's just acting and I don't feel about any of them the way I feel for you."  Jared nodded. "I mean what I said, Jared," Jensen sighed. "I understand that you're going through a lot and starting a new relationship right now wouldn't be for the best. I'm not going to stop being your best friend, okay, and hopefully there will come a time when you're more comfortable making out under the stars and holding hands on the bus, but, until then, I'm cool with this." 

"Yeah," Jared sighed. 

"I won't have any more random hook ups," Jensen told him.

"I can't stop you having sex, Jay," Jared muttered. "No matter how much I want to, since i'm not putting out I can't stop you from-"

"Seriously?" laughed Jensen. "Jay, I don't care if you never want to go near my dick, hell, I don't care whether you don't ever want to see me naked, alright, you mean so much more to me than any fucking hook up and whether you're "putting out" or not, I'm always going to prioritize you."

"You're a guy with needs, Jen," Jared mumbled.

"And I'm a guy with a hand and a warm shower too," Jensen said. "Seriously, Jay, I- just- FUCK." Jared widened his eyes, alarmed. Jensen sighed. "I don't want you to feel like if you're with me you have to have sex with me," he said slowly. "I want to be with you because you're sweet and smart and perfect and cute not because I want to put my dick in you. I-I know you're way more than just a hook up and shit, dude, I'd never fault you for not having sex with me."

"I didn't mean it like that, Jensen," Jared sighed. "I'm just saying since I'm not offering I'm not in the position to stop you hooking up."

"Jared I don't care," flared Jensen. "I don't want you to feel like you have to offer to have sex with me if you feel uncomfortable or jealous that I'm hooking up with people, okay. I know we're not dating, dude, okay, but there are so many couples that just don't have sex and the other person has the right to tell their partner not to cheat on them, so why the hell-"

"You're not my partner," snapped Jared. "I have no control over your life, remember?" 

"Jay, you just told me that you should have to tolerate me hooking up all over our house because you don't want me to hook up with you and that's possibly the worst thing I've ever heard," Jensen told him. "I love you, alright, dickhead, and I definitely don't want to make you feel uncomfortable in your own home again." 

"Sorry," Jared mumbled. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"I know," groaned Jensen. "But, hell, Jay, why couldn't you just nod and agree when I told you that I'm not gonna have random hook ups."

"I didn't want you to feel like I'm trying to ruin your life," murmured Jared.

"Well, I know you're not," sighed Jensen. "So relax." Jared nodded. 

"I can't help wanting you," he murmured. "But what if nothing ever comes of it." Jensen shook his head and wrapped his arm around Jared's shoulders tightly. 

"Don't worry, Jay, we'll work it out," he whispered sweetly. 


	7. Action

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared finds Jensen working on his way home from college and can't help react. He decides to distract himself, but that doesn't go well.

Jared found the next week to be quite casual. He had expected Jensen to be annoyed at him for stopping him having his usual hook ups, but the other man never mentioned it. Jared found himself enjoying staying in and doing little. He and Jensen spent every night sitting in Jared's room and going through the boxes of old pictures and comic books that his brother had recently brought over from their childhood home. "Do you wish that you could be there with him too?" Jensen asked. "Or are you okay with being here?" Jared sighed, scratching his head. 

"I mean, there are worse places to be than here," he murmured.  "But, yeah, I haven't seen Dad since the funeral and it would be nice to see him." Jensen nodded, flipping over a page in the album. "Have you looked at jobs recently?" he asked.

"I'm still looking," Jared grumbled. "I know that this is probably really annoying, what with exams coming up, but-"

"I don't care," Jensen said firmly. "I'd much prefer you be in a good mental state and have to pay all the bills than have you being hectic working for another asshole and feeling like shit so I only have to pay a hundred and twelve a month. I'm not that selfish." 

"Thank you," Jared said sincerely. "I appreciate that, but you know how bad I feel making you do all the extra work..."

"I don't mind," shrugged Jensen. "I mean, I'd prefer not as I know that you really hate it and, I must say, now that I'm not just laying on my bed the appeal has really gone, but I'm not going to be pissed at you over it." 

"Thanks," murmured Jared. "Have-have you considered looking at different jobs by any chance?" 

"No," Jensen replied. Jared nodded. He really enjoyed spending all the additional time with Jensen was was hoping that maybe something more would actually happen, but the whole phone sex thing was a deal breaker and he was quite hurt that Jensen didn't think he was worth quitting that job. "You in college tomorrow?" Jensen asked.

"Yeah," Jared replied. "Two hour morning lecture. Oh what fun." 

"Want to meet for lunch after?" Jensen wondered.

"Nah, I told some of the kids in my class I'd head to some fast food place with them," shrugged Jared. "I'll meet you back here as soon as I can." Jensen nodded. 

  Jared was almost excited to spend the afternoon with some of his peers because although he had almost finished his first year, Jensen was the only real friend he had made. There was a short, blond boy who had gone to his high school who he occasionally spoke to in the lectures, but that was about it. It was the blond boy's girlfriend who had been arranging the lunch, but since she had decided to go out with her sisters instead, not that Jared could blame her as her family rarely visited, the others decided that it wasn't going to happen, so Jared padded down the rainy streets by himself. 

 Jared was fighting with his wallet. He couldn't get his bus ticket out and he needed it to avoid paying again, as that would be careless considering his lack of financial means. Two men, both slightly shorter than Jared, pushed him and, as the card finally wiggled free, his wallet fell to a puddle on the ground. One of the men picked it up and began to run. "Come back!" called Jared, running after them. They ran through the park and down a thin alleyway, before throwing a rock in Jared's direction. Jared ducked and, as he did, the muggers ran around the corner, out of sight. Jared was happy that he did not keep his bank cards in that wallet, but he was kicking himself for losing over a hundred bucks. However, his attention was soon caught by a familiar voice moaning in the corner. Jared approached to find out who it was and struggled not to gasp when he recognised Jensen sitting on a box, moaning into the phone. Jared shook his head, tearing his eyes away from the obvious bulge in Jensen's jeans. "Yes, yes," Jensen said, as Jared padded out of the alleyway. 

 Against his better judgement, Jared decided that it would be best to attempt to drink away the memory of Jensen moaning into the phone from his mind with the beer Jensen had bought from the shady shop that didn't ID you. He sat on the sofa and drank through about five cans before Jensen returned, looking cold and flustered. "Hey, buddy," Jensen said, sitting beside Jared. He stared at him and then on the cans on the floor and raised an eyebrow. "What's going on, Jay?" Jensen asked. Jared did not reply. He practically pounced onto Jensen and began eagerly kissing him, deciding then and there that if he couldn't erase Jensen's moaning from him mind, he'd erase the other man from Jensen's. Jensen kissed back fervently, his hands locking into Jared's hair, before pulling away and standing up. "Calm down, Jay," Jensen said. Jared shook his head and slid to his knees. Jensen attempted to bat his hands away as Jared pulled down his zip, grinning. "Come on, Jay," Jensen said. "Not like this." Jared peered up at him, batting his eyes. Jensen tore his eyes away and Jared undid the button on Jensen's underwear, freeing his cock, which was already at half-mast. "Love you, Jay," Jensen whispered affectionately as Jared took him into his mouth. Jared had never done this before, but he found that he liked the weight of Jensen on his tongue and he sucked, earning his own moan from Jensen. Jared pulled away and licked his lips, his eyes on Jensen's wanton face. "Please," Jensen begged. Jared grinned and took him into his mouth again, sucking with earnest and grinning as Jensen groaned for the final time, spilling the salty flavour into his mouth. Jared ignored his own hard-on as Jensen dragged him onto the sofa, eagerly kissing him and biting his lips, until it was gone due to the rutting he was doing on jensen's knee. Jensen grinned and kissed his forehead.


	8. Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's not jealous.

Jared woke up with his head on Jensen's shoulder the following morning. They were still on the sofa and Jensen hadn't pulled up his pants, although his underwear was back in place. Jared was surprised that his jaw wasn't saw considering his recollection of how eager he had been the previous evening, but his pounding headache made up for the lack of pain. Never before had Jared had a hangover this severe and his was, once again, regretting walking into that alley. However, Jared was now racking his brain for the few drunken memories he had of the previous night's endeavors  and wondering whether he should be regretting them. A small part of his brain was telling him yes, yes he should. He could not know for certain that Jensen was clean of all diseases and the man had tried to bat him away. Previously, Jensen had refused to even kiss Jared because he was drunk, so last night certainly shouldn't have happened. Yet, there was a louder voice telling him that he had no right to regret it because that would mean regretting making Jensen feel good, which he didn't regret at all. He basked in the glow that was radiating from Jensen's face and felt proud that he had put it there. Unfortunately, Jared did not have any more time to consider this before Jensen began to stir. 

  "Hey, beautiful," was the first thing he said. Jared raised an eyebrow at him. Jensen smiled and softly kissed his cheek, his eyes full of joy and- and hope. Jared exhaled through his nose slowly, knowing he would have to, yet again, dishearten his friend by explaining that there was no way that they could be together. "Penny for your thoughts?" Jensen asked quietly. He nuzzled Jared's neck and kicked of his pants before dropping his legs onto the couch so he was more comfortable. Jared shrugged and ran his hand down Jensen's chiseled jaw. Jensen grinned. "We-we should get breakfast," he yawned.

"Yeah," Jared whispered quietly. "Do we have any cereal left?"

"Screw cereal," sighed Jensen. "Let's go out."

"And eat what?" Jared scoffed. "Steak for breakfast?"

"No," Jensen muttered, running a hand through Jared's hair. "Waffles." Jared snorted.

"Fine," he huffed. "We can get waffles." Jensen grinned and paused his petting of Jared's hair. He nuzzled his neck again, before rolling over, resulting in Jared landing on the floor. Jared scowled and rubbed the back of his cramped neck. "I need something for the hangover first," he muttered. "And a shower." Jensen chuckled and nodded.

  It wasn't until they had exited the bus and were walking towards the waffle house that Jensen had frequently asked Jared to visit, although he never had, when Jared started questioning Jared's intentions. Although he couldn't blame Jensen for not wanting to live on cereal everyday for the rest of his life, as they entered the restaurant and looked around at all the beaming parents and happy couples, Jared couldn't help but wonder if Jensen thought this was a date. Of course, he wasn't going to question it in front of the waitress, who handed them the menus, so he waited for her to walk away before clearing his throat. "Uh, Jensen, is this like a-a dinner date kinda thing?" he asked uncomfortably. 

"This is breakfast," Jensen replied, frowning. 

"Yeah, but, is it a date?" Jared asked.

"Do you want it to be a date?" questioned Jensen. 

"No," Jared replied quietly. Honestly, yes, he longed to go on corny, sappy dates with Jensen and hold his hand and kiss him on park benches and he'd love nothing more than to share one of the couples waffles with extra strawberries with him in that moment, but as things currently were, he couldn't say yes. "Then, no, it's not," Jensen replied, clearly crestfallen but trying to hide it. "We're just hanging out."

"Are you mad at me?" Jared asked quietly. Jensen shook his head certainly. 

  Jared had a good time eating breakfast with Jensen. He felt a flutter in his stomach whenever he made Jensen laugh and that only made him feel better, unfortunately, his headache medication was wearing off and he had to decline when Jensen suggested a walk in the park. "let's get you home then, my friendly alcoholic," chuckled Jensen. Jared rolled his eyes and scowled.

 After Jared had swallowed his medication, he dropped onto the sofa and began flicking through TV channels. He knew that he had work to do for college, but he couldn't be bothered to do it. Instead, he smiled when Jensen handed him a packet of pretzels and turned on a soccer game he wasn't very interested in. "So," Jensen muttered awkwardly. "Do you wanna talk about... things?"

"Like what?" asked Jared quietly.

"Are you okay?" Jensen wondered, sitting beside him and opening the bag of pretzels. 

"I guess," Jared replied. 

"Um... how do you feel about last night?" Jensen asked. 

"I can't remember much," Jared replied honestly, sitting up and studying Jensen, although he refused to meet his eyes. "Like, I know what I did, but not in great detail."

"Oh," Jensen sighed. 

"I don't regret it," Jared spluttered out quickly.

"I didn't say you did," chuckled Jensen. "I just feel bad, you know-"

"Don't," interjected Jared. Jensen chuckled.

"It's just, we were-uh- intimate and if you can't remember it and I can, I kinda feel bad about that," he murmured. 

"Neither of us can change that now," mumbled Jared.

"I know, I know," sighed Jensen. "Can you remember why you did it?"

"Excuse me?" questioned Jared, raising an eyebrow.

"Do you remember what brought uh...that on?" Jensen sighed. "You were pretty out of it and uh... pretty into it."

"Yes, I do remember," Jared muttered. 

"Why?" Jensen asked quickly.

"I-I don't want to tell you," Jared replied, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. He knew that he probably  _should_ tell Jensen that he had seen him 'at work' but he didn't want to risk seeming like a dick again and ruining everything. "Why not?" Jensen inquired sharply. "You can trust me, I promise."

"It's not that I don't trust you, Jen," Jared muttered. "It's just not something I want to talk about right now."

"Why not?" Jensen asked softly, draping his arm around Jared's shoulders. Jared shrugged, refusing to talk about it any further. Jensen exhaled slowly, clearly getting the message, and tightened his grip on Jared's shoulders. "Can I ask you something slightly off topic?" he questioned, his voice barely louder than a whisper. Jared nodded shortly. "Why were you excited to be uh... intimate with me last night but you are still refusing to let me take you on a date?" Jensen asked. 

"Alcohol," Jared lied.

"No, no it's not," Jensen said. "Obviously the alcohol gave you more confidence, but that wasn't the only reason last night happened, besides, that's not what I'm asking. I want to know why you're still so adamant that we can't be together."

"You know why," replied Jared icily, not liking the direction their conversation was headed. 

"No, no I don't," Jensen muttered softly. "You've told me it's because of my job, but you won't say why it's that much of an issue."

"Listen, Jen, your current occupation has caused a bit of a strife between us already," groaned Jared. "Can't you just leave it alone? I thought I made it clear that your phone sex is a deal breaker."

"You did, until last night," replied Jensen softly. "I-I hoped that you'd changed your mind."

"Well, I haven't," Jared snapped firmly, feeling guilty as he watched Jensen's hopeful expression crumple. "I'm sorry," he said quickly. "I know it seems like I'm using you or whatever, but it really is a deal breaker for me."

"I don't think you're using me, Jared," grumbled Jensen. "I just can't wrap my head around your point of view."

"Why not?" sniffed Jared. "I don't want to be with someone who gets paid to have phone sex, simple as."

"Yes, but you like me, right?" Jensen asked. Jared nodded shortly. "You like my personality and my jokes and my body and talking to me and you've told me you like my company and believe me, that's mutual, so, naturally, we'd make a good pairing, right?" 

"Not if one party has phone sex with other people," Jared replied sharply.

"I've told you I don't get off on it," Jensen shrugged. "It's just to pay the bills until college is over."

"Fine, I'll take you out in two years," snorted Jared. 

"You don't need to be like that," snapped Jensen. "I'm just trying to explain to you that my job won't effect our relationship and nobody can make me love you any less."

"Look, Jensen, you're great and everything, but phone sex is still  _sex_ ," mumbled Jared. "And I don't feel comfortable dating people who have sex with other people." Jensen frowned. "I _know_ it's not like you're hooking up with other people," Jared continued. "But it still kind feels like the same thing."

"They're completely different things!" Jensen exclaimed.

"Not to me, they're not," puffed Jared.

"How are they even remotely similar?" scoffed Jensen.

"What, how  is phone sex and sex remotely similar?" chuckled Jared. "And calm down, would ya, the neighbours might complain."

"How can i calm down when you just equated me talking on the phone to me being unfaithful to you?" snarled Jensen. "I would never, ever even dream of hurting you like that."

"Yet you want me to date you while you have your current job," scoffed Jared. "Guess what, Jensen, people have phone sex to get off. Couples do it, friends with benefits do it and lonely people who are too bored with porn pay to do it, which is where you come in. Your voice is what causes twelve people a day to get off and I can't date someone who does that on a regular basis." 

"I'm good at it, Jay," insisted Jensen. "And the money's good."

"I'm sure you're very good at it, jen, you're a very attractive human being, I just can't date you if you continue to do that," Jared sighed.

"We're not going to see eye to eye on this any time soon, are we?" huffed Jensen. Jared shook his head.

  Fortunately, Jared was feeling much better the following morning when he headed off to college. He road the bus in silence with Jensen and waved goodbye and he strode to his lecture, much to the amusement of some of the men in Jensen's class. Jensen was a year above Jared, as were all of his friends, who saw him as the goofey freshman who needed to leave them alone, which Jared tried to do, but, occasionally, he found himself outside Jensen's classes. 

 Jared's second lecture ended twenty minutes earlier than usual because the lecturer had a dentist appointment that she couldn't miss. Faced with nothing to do and the knowledge that Jensen would be leaving his own class in ten minutes, Jared raced across campus to Jensen's class. He leant on the windowsill outside as the sophomores began to rush out of the doors. Jared's eyes immediately snapped to Jensen, who was strutting in the middle of the crowd, his green eyes on a short, blonde girl who was feeling his bicep. Jared felt sick to his stomach as he watched Jensen laugh at whatever she was saying and he felt incredibly possessive. Deciding that he didn't want to hurt or embarrass Jensen, Jared began to pad away from the class, towards the exit, until he felt someone slap his back. "Hey, Jay," Jensen said, sounding flustered. Jared looked up at him and was happy to find that his lips did not look recently kissed, as he had been expecting. "What are you doing here?" Jensen asked. 

"My lecture ended early so I was going to see if you wanted to get lunch," Jared mumbled, feeling embarrassed now. Why would Jensen want to spend his lunch with him when clearly there were other people in his life. Jared felt guilty for all of the valuable time Jensen had wasted on him, which was clearly showing on his face. "Are you okay?" Jensen asked.

"I didn't consider that you had other options," Jared murmured, bowing his head. "I'm sorry, I'll go." 

"What?" Jensen asked, slinging his arm around Jared's shoulders. "I want to go to lunch with you." He paused. Jared also stopped walking and stared at him as the blonde girl jogged towards them. "Hey," she said. "You dropped this." She held up a twenty dollar bill. Jensen's ears flushed red as he expected the note and stuffed it back into his pocket. The girl smiled. "How are you?" she asked.

"Okay," shrugged Jensen. 

"What's up with your hand?" the girl asked, lifting up Jensen's hand and inspecting his palm. Jared knew that she must have spotted the faint bruise that Jensen had from hitting himself with the top of a beer bottle, but that didn't stop him feeling sick as she gripped his hand in her nimble hands. Jared couldn't help but notice how large Jensen's hands were as he shrugged and began to tell her of how hopeless as he was when he was drunk. Deciding that he couldn't take it any longer, Jared left the building. 

  Jared got a sandwich from a supermarket and a coffee from his favourite coffee shop before returning home. He was later than he had expected to be because he had been spotted by Cherry, his  brother's girlfriend, who had wanted to talk to him and Jared, who was feeling particularly lonely, was more than happy to oblige. Jared ended up taking the same bus that he would have done had he left college at the usual time, but he didn't mind as he was feeling slightly better about himself now that he had eaten and gotten some fresh air.

  When Jared returned, Jensen was lying on the sofa, eating tortilla chips. "There you are!" he exclaimed, jumping to his feet as Jared shut the door. Jared cocked his head and raised an inquisitive eyebrow.  Jensen stared incredulously at him. "Where did you go?" he asked, sounding hurt.

"I went for lunch," Jared shrugged.

"I thought we were going to go together," Jensen murmured.

"You had other options," Jared replied. "I didn't want to get in the way." Jensen shook his head.

"We were just talking, Jay," he sighed. 

"I know," replied Jared, not entirely convinced that the girl would have been happy with 'just talking' to Jensen. "But it was inconsiderate of me not to consider that there were other people in your life that you might want to hang out with," he continued. "I shouldn't have just assumed because I was out early you would have wanted me to be."

"I like the idea of you surprising me like that," Jensen said quietly. 

"Really?" Jared asked hopefully. 

"Course I do," chuckled Jensen. "I love spending time with you, Jay." Jared smiled. 

  When Jensen went off to work that evening, Jared flung himself onto his bed and forced himself to flick through one of his textbooks. He couldn't help feel jealous that Jensen was somewhere moaning to someone that wasn't him, but he supposed that there wasn't anything he could do about it. 

  Jensen returned two hours later covered in sweat and rain. Jared heard him pad to the shower, but couldn't help himself from slowly sauntering down the hallway. As he had hoped, Jensen had left the door open and Jared had a perfect view of him. His skin was covered in soap bubbles that his large hands were scrubbing down his thighs. Jared bit his lip and attempted not to moan and he watched Jensen move, his eyes never leaving the man's broad arms until he turned the water off. Jared froze. He heard jensen clamber out of the shower and closed his eyes as Jensen neared the door. He bit his lip again, thoroughly expecting Jensen to snap at him, but was met with an amused chuckle. "Enjoy the show?" Jensen asked, his eyes glistening. Jared did not respond. Jensen chuckled and strode to his room. Again, he left the door open so Jared had the perfect view of his ass as he moved, attempting to find clothes. Jared gulped, noticing the tent in his jeans. Jensen chuckled, also noticing it. Jared closed his eyes and forced himself to think of anything but Jensen as he thought that the man would be the death of him. 


	9. Watched

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared knows where Jensen is. Jensen doesn't want him there.

 Jared left college late the following Wednesday because his lecturer had expected Jared and three other broad guys to move a never ending amount of chairs and desks for her, which Jared did not appreciate. He knew that Jensen planned to work that afternoon and was hoping to squeeze an hour of TV time into their schedules, in which he would attempt to convince Jensen not to go to work. Instead of that, he had to wait an hour for the next bus.

 By the time that Jared returned home, Jensen had already left. He hadn't left a note explaining where he had gone, nor had he texted Jared, so he knew that he had gone to the alleyway he thought Jared knew nothing about. Jared sighed, cursing his poor fortune, and shuffled to his room, where he swapped his jeans for his sweatpants. Jared strode to the kitchen and opened the cupboards, hoping to find something to eat, but there was only a jar of mustard and a packet of salted peanuts. Jared groaned and kicked his shoes back on. Jared did not think that he had enough money in his wallet to buy enough groceries to stock up the apartment, so he took some money out of the envelope on top of the fridge.  He knew he probably should have texted Jensen to tell him he was taking the money because, although the purpose of the envelope was for food, most of it was his. However, Jared did not want to even think about Jensen for the next few hours, so he padded out of the apartment and to the bus stop.

  Once Jared had collected all of the supplies, he left the shop and began to stroll towards the bus stop, only to find that no other buses would be running that evening. Jared mentally kicked himself for forgetting that one of the bus companies had gone out of business so there would be no late buses until further notice and wished that he had just ordered delivery food. He sighed and began to walk down the uneven pavement. 

  Jared groaned when he neared the opening of the alleyway that he knew Jensen to be in. He had no intended to go anywhere near it, he didn't want to hear Jensen's moans and he knew that if Jensen saw him, he would be mad, but he froze when he heard Jensen begging. Jared slowly and quietly padded into the alley, ignoring the bitter wind on his neck. His heart was beating rapidly and his stomach was churning, but he stayed with his eyes fixed on Jensen, who had his head thrown back and an obvious tent in his jeans. Jensen moaned one more time before he hung up the phone and stuffed it into the pocket of his jacket. Jared turned to walk away, ears flushed pink and feeling incredibly guilty, when he heard Jensen speak. "What are you doing here?" he asked. Jared had expected him to be angry, but he sounded more confused than anything else. Jared silently indicated to the two bags of groceries he was holding, hoping that would explain everything. "What are you doing here?" Jensen repeated, his voice little more than a growl and clearly angry now. 

"I-I needed to go shopping," Jared spluttered. "We-we had no food at home."

"I didn't ask why you left the apartment, Jay," growled Jensen. "I asked why you're in this exact spot." 

"There are no buses running," Jared replied, his eyes on his feet. "So I had to walk back and I-I heard you." 

"You knew what I was doing," snarled Jensen. "You didn't need to inspect. You should have continued walking and gone home." 

"You're the one doing whatever this is in a public place, you fucked up exhibitionist," snapped Jared. "You don't get to berate me for walking." 

"I'm not berating you," scoffed Jensen. "I'm just pissed that you thought that there was any need for you to watch me doing-doing that."

"So you admit that it's taboo?" Jared asked quietly.

"What?" Jensen questioned.

"Well, you've spent over a month telling me how this wasn't a big deal, but surely if you feel vulnerable doing it, it has to be, right?" Jared leered, smirking now. Jensen hung his head. 

"I don't like being watched, Jared," he sighed. Jared opened his mouth to speak, but shut it as Jensen's phone began to ring. "Come on," Jensen said, stuffing his phone into his pocket. "Let's get a cab home, it's cold." 

  Jared sat in the cab in silence and was the first out while Jensen paid the driver. He took the bags and carried them up to the apartment. He let himself in, slammed the door, and began to pack them away as Jensen entered the kitchen. "Did you pay for all that?" Jensen asked.

"No," Jared replied. "I took fifteen bucks out of the envelope. Sorry, I know I should have told you."

"It's fine," Jensen said quickly. "The money's for both of us and the food's for both of us. Here-" he pulled twenty bucks out of his wallet. "- have this."

"I can afford to pay for food, Jensen," Jared snapped. 

"Well, you don't need to buy me my food, okay?" Jensen murmured. Jared took the money and slammed the cupboard shut. "Where are you headed?" Jensen asked him.

"My room," Jared replied.

"Can't we talk for a little?" Jensen sighed.

"About what?" Jared questioned.

"Why were you so late getting back?" Jensen asked.

"I had to help rearrange furniture at college," shrugged Jared. 

"Okay," muttered Jensen. "Why did you decide to walk back rather than get a cab?"

"I didn't have enough money on me," whispered Jared. Jensen smiled sympathetically and slung an arm over Jared's shoulders, but Jared pushed him away. "Are you content now?" he snarled. "Can I go?"

"There's something you want to say, isn't there?" Jensen asked quietly. "Just say it, Jay, get it over with." 

"I- you were into it, weren't you?" Jared mumbled. Jensen stared at him. His eyes were wide and sad. "You've spent ages telling me that it means nothing and you got nothing out of it, but you were _so_ into it."

"Acting," Jensen replied. "It's how I get repeat business."

"Tell that to the tent in your pants," scoffed Jared.

"Trust you to notice that," chuckled Jensen. "Look, I don't appreciate being watched, alright, but, yeah, I get into it. I haven't been laid in ages, man."

"Then go fuck someone and leave me alone," cried Jared.

"What?" snapped Jensen. "No, no, no, that's the opposite of solving the problem."

"Piss off, Jen!" roared Jared. "This is never going to work."

"Why not?" Jensen asked softly. 

"You were moaning in an alleyway for a stranger like some two dollar whore with a massive boner and you're claiming that we could still have a relationship?" Jared scoffed. "You're not a monogamous person, Jensen, you're a slut."

"I haven't slept with anyone in weeks," flared Jensen indignantly. 

"I never told you to be abstinent," snapped Jared. 

"I'm not saying you did," muttered Jensen. "I'm just pointing out that to prove to you I can be faithful I haven't slept with anyone in weeks and, yeah, I give a good show, it's what the people like, but I didn't expect to be watched."

"You didn't care when I saw you in the shower," Jared whispered, his cheeks flushing red. 

"That's different," Jensen shrugged.

"How? You were naked," Jared mumbled. Jensen laughed.

"Yeah, but I left the door open hoping you'd be curious, dumbass," chuckled Jensen. "I have no issue with you wanting to see me, my issue is that I knew if you saw me you'd turn it against me- against us- again, and you have."

"You were the one who started this argument," snapped Jared.

"I freaked out, okay?" murmured Jensen. "I didn't expect to see you- or anyone- there and I could tell you were judging me." 

"You deserve to be judged," snarled Jared. "You lied to me. You repeatedly told me you felt nothing and it meant nothing, but your 'performance' made it clear that that's not the case."

"If you want to hear me moaning, Jay, all you have to do is ask," Jensen said dryly. "You knew what I was doing and we both know that you and my occupation don't bode well together, so I can't understand why you watched me."

"I was jealous, okay," Jared snapped. "I was jealous that someone else was making you make those sounds and that someone else was able to turn you on, okay?" Jensen stared at him, clearly shocked. He reached out to caress one of Jared's flushed cheeks, but Jared pushed past him and to his room. 

  Jared flopped onto his bed and cried angry tears into his pillow. He could hear Jensen's voice speaking softly through the door, but he could not make out any words. 


	10. Not a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared agrees to go with Jensen on the condition that he doesn't call him his date.

  Jared spend a week doing everything in his power to avoid talking to Jensen. He hid himself away in his room and would only come out after he heard Jensen leave for work. He made sure that he  was the first one up in the mornings and would leave before seven. He bought coffee and porridge at his favourite coffee shop, which he ate on the bus to college. While Jared was feeling especially lonely, he was also quite proud of himself for how long he had gone without having to speak to his room-mate. Unfortunately for him, that changed the following Thursday when there was a knock at his bedroom door. Jared groaned. He had been pretending to sleep because his lecturers had been cancelled for the day and he knew that Jensen did not have any classes on Thursday, so he had taken to hiding. "Can I come in?" Jensen's voice asked. Jared did not respond. "Please?" questioned Jensen feebly.  Jared sighed. "Sure," he called.

"Thank you," Jensen said as he pushed open the door. 

"What do you want?" Jared asked, sitting up. 

"I just want to talk, that's all," Jensen said, sitting on the foot of Jared's bed. Jared nodded. "How are you?" Jensen asked. 

"Not bad," Jared replied shortly.   
  
"Have you been deliberately ignoring me lately or have our schedules just gotten muddled up?" Jensen inquired.

"You don't beat around the bush, do you?" chuckled Jared.

"That's not an answer," replied Jensen sharply. 

"I don't know," Jared lied. 

"Oh," Jensen sighed. "Well, are you doing much tomorrow?"

"Apart from college I don't think so," Jared replied. "I have a job interview on Sunday, but I don't have much else planned."

"Cool," Jensen said quickly. "Do you want to go to a festival with me?"

"Why would I want to do that?" Jared scoffed. 

"We haven't properly hung out in a while, so I thought maybe you'd like to," shrugged Jensen, ignoring the harshness of Jared's words. "It's a late thing, so we could hold hands under the stars if you want." 

"I don't want to hold your hand," Jared lied. 

"You might later," shrugged Jensen, before winking. 

"I doubt it," Jared muttered. 

"Look, I know you're still mad at me," Jensen sighed. "I was hoping you could look past it for one night and we could just hang out, yeah?" 

"I don't know," Jared murmured.

"Drinks on me," Jensen said, grinning.

"No way," Jared said. "I'm busy for most of Sunday so I'll be dedicating Saturday to essay writing, which won't be possible if I'm hungover."

"Okay, no drinks then," Jensen told him. "But we can still listen to music under the stars."

"Where is it?" Jared asked.

"A field somewhere," shrugged Jensen. "A buddy told me about it. I was thinking we could get the train."

"We could ask my brother to drive," suggested Jared. 

"That'd be cool," Jensen said, grinning. "Although wouldn't it be awkward having him around on our date?" 

"I'm not going on a date with you," Jared snarled icily.

"Why not?" Jensen inquired. 

"We've been over this," Jared snapped.

"You still won't budge on that?" Jensen sighed. Jared shook his head. "Alright," Jensen murmured. "I'm not going to push you, just, uh, just know that I  _really_ like you and if you were to agree to go on a date with me, I'd make it perfect." 

"No matter how perfect it is, the idea of you getting off with strangers will always be in the back of my mind," Jared snarled.

"Forever?" Jensen questioned. "So, like, even if I do move on with my life you won't be able to forget it?"

"No," Jared replied. "As your friend it disturbs me, but I can get over it. If I were your boyfriend, i'd feel really uncomfortable dating someone who talks other people through jerking off. It's not a good relationship dynamic and if we were to ever do anything intimate I'd be questioning whether you wanted to be with me or caller number nine hundred and two."

"I'd never cheat on you, Jared," Jensen said. 

"I'd never feel comfortable dating you while you did this," Jared said shortly. 

"Okay," sighed Jensen. "Again, I'm not going to push you, but, well, this is a pretty good gig I've got and I can't honestly tell you I understand what you mean." 

"Uh, imagine you asked me out and I said yes," Jared began shortly. "But then I started giving lap dances or something. I wouldn't be having sex with them and it would do nothing for me, but I'd act like I'm into it and know that they're into it and I'd do it at least four days a week. Wouldn't that bother you?"

"I guess," mumbled Jensen. "But that's sitting on someone's lap, not talking to them on the phone." Jared shrugged. "Are you going to bother to go to college tomorrow?" Jensen asked, swiftly changing the subject.

"I don't know," sighed Jared. "Probably."

  Reluctantly, Jared's brother agreed to drop them off at the festival after he learnt that it was two hours away. "What idiot takes a two hour bus ride?" he scoffed at Jensen, who slid into the back of the vehicle. "That's impractical."

"How?" Jensen asked. "I don't have a car and buses are cheaper than trains. It seems highly practical."  
  
"Yes, but buses are full of creeps who will ask you to join a cult or something," muttered Jared's brother. 

"I've never met a cult leader on a bus," chuckled Jensen. "I'm usually ignored by strangers."

"Trust me, kid, the people who travel out of town on the same bus aren't to be trusted," Jared's brother said. 

  Jared was moved from the passenger's seat when they got to the centre of down where his brother was asked to meet Cherry. Jared smiled at her as she approached the car, before unbuckling his seat belt. "We're going to the book store," Jared's brother said. "We won't be long." Jared nodded and watched as his brother took Cherry's hand as they walked away. Jared leant against the bonnet of the car and shut his eyes. He now had to spend the remainder of the journey in the back with Jensen. He supposed that it couldn't be too bad as Jensen surely wouldn't do anything obscene around his brother, but two hours was a long time, and if traffic was bad it would be longer, so it gave Jensen plenty of opportunities to wind him up. Speaking of Jensen, as Jared opened his eyes to feel the sun blare down onto him, he heard Jensen clamber out of the car and slam the door. "You alright?" he asked.

"Yeah," Jared mumbled. " A little tired though." 

"You can nap on the way," shrugged Jensen.

"Are we meeting your buddy?" Jared asked. Jensen raised an eyebrow. "You know, the one who told you about the festival," Jared added.

"I haven't planned to meet him," Jensen replied. "But we may run into him."

"Have you bought tickets?" Jared asked.

"Nah, we're gonna pay at the door," Jensen shrugged.

"How much is it?" Jared inquired.

"Relax, it's my treat," Jensen replied. Jared raised an eyebrow, but nodded. 

  Jared stayed close to Jensen as they trudged through the field of fellow festival goers. He was already tired and his eyes lit up when he noticed a few market-like stalls at the back. "Can we get coffee?" he asked. Jensen nodded and steered Jared to a green stall. Jensen paid for the coffee and led Jared to the crowd beside the stage, where there were blue flashing lights. 

  Jared enjoyed the music, but it caused his head to hurt. Once the sun had completely disappeared and the stars lit up the sky, Jensen decided to back away from the stage. "Where are you going?" Jared hissed, following him through the crowd. Many people glared at them as they pushed past, which made Jared feel very uncomfortable, but Jensen didn't seem to notice. "Here," Jensen shrugged, leaning against a tree and looking up at all the twinkling stars. Jared also gazed up. He massaged his sore head and glanced at his phone, hoping that his brother was on his way soon. He almost didn't notice Jensen lacing their fingers together. Jared stared down at him blankly; his expression was hard to read. It was as if Jensen was focusing his gaze on anything but Jared. When he finally did look up, there was a wide hope in his eyes that Jared couldn't ignore. 

He kissed him. 

"Sorry," Jared spluttered as he pulled away. His cheeks blushed red and his eyes fell to his feet. He wrung his hands uncomfortably and tensed his shoulders and Jensen chuckled. The older man nuzzled Jared's neck and grinned into his skin. "You have nothing to be sorry for," Jensen replied, kissing the skin above his collar bone. Jared felt his heart flutter and opened his mouth to say something, before his phone went off, alerting him that his brother was near. "We should go," he muttered. Jensen nodded and placed a hand on the small of his back as he steered him back towards the entrance of the field. Jared felt as if everyone was watching them and judging his awkward body language, but he was probably just paranoid. "Come on," Jensen muttered, dropping his hand as they marched through the gate and crossed the road to where Jared's brother was waiting. Jared joined Jensen in the back of the car and soon fell asleep. 

  When they returned to their apartment, they fell asleep on the couch, entwined within each other's limbs and deciding to leave the awkward conversations until morning.


	11. Boundaries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared finally agrees to go on a proper date with Jensen, but he has some ground rules.

  Jared woke to Jensen kissing his face eagerly. Jared smiled at him before pushing him away so he could sit up. Sun was blaring onto his face from the window and Jensen's eyes were glued to him. "Morning," Jared whispered. Jensen nodded and gingerly draped his arm over Jared's shoulders. Jared rested his head on one of Jensen's broad shoulders and smiled up at him. Jensen kissed his nose and grinned back at him. "How are you?" Jensen asked. "Sleep well?"

"I guess," shrugged Jared. "You're surprisingly comfortable."

"Maybe you were just incredibly tired?" suggested Jensen.

"Probably," yawned Jared. Jensen ran a hand through his hair and patted his cheek softly. 

"Do you want to get breakfast?" Jensen questioned. Jared nodded shortly and sat up.

"What do you want to get?" he asked. 

"I can make scrambled egg if you want," muttered Jensen. Jared nodded eagerly. 

  Jared decided to take a hot shower while Jensen was cooking. He lathered himself in the tea tree scented body wash and hummed softly to himself before he heard a knock at the door. He immediately paused and dropped the bottle of body wash. He winced as it hit his foot and knelt to pick it up. "You almost done in there?" Jensen called through the door. Jared stepped back from the shower. "I guess," he replied. 

"Food will be done soon," Jensen told him. 

"Okay," Jared called back. 

  When Jared returned to the living room, Jensen had already plated the toast and scrambled eggs and was pouring apple juice into two glasses. "Hello," Jared said, walking behind him and into the kitchen. Jensen watched him as he retrieved the cutlery from the kitchen and joined him in the living room. "Nice shower?" Jensen asked, shuffling over to create more room on the sofa. Jared nodded. "The water was nice," he shrugged.

"Are you feeling okay?" Jensen inquired, stifling a yawn.

"Why wouldn't I be?" asked Jared, raising an eyebrow.

"You seemed to have a bit of a headache last night," replied Jensen.

"Yeah, I'm okay now, though," sighed Jared. 

"What's your plan for the day?" Jensen asked, cutting his toast.

"I still have that work to do," groaned Jared. 

"Sounds great," chuckled Jensen.

"What about you?" inquired Jared.

"I dunno," sighed Jensen. "I'll probably take a nap, maybe order some lunch for my favourite guy." He winked at Jared, who blushed. "You're adorable," chuckled Jensen. Jared scowled.

  When Jared finally finished his six page long essay, he shuffled to the living room. From the sofa, he could see Jensen paying the delivery man for a bag of food. "Oh, hey," Jensen said, striding through the kitchen towards him. "I was just going to call you. You okay with Indian?" Jared nodded shortly and fell back against the cushion of the sofa. Jensen placed the food on the coffee table and strode back to the kitchen to retrieve two bottles of soda. "Here," he handed one to Jared and sat beside him, his eyes never leaving his face. "So," Jensen began awkwardly. "We should talk."

"About that?" Jared asked.

"You know what," Jensen said. 

"Can't we just enjoy our lunch?" whined Jared.

"Why can't we do both?" sighed Jensen.

"I doubt we're going to agree on much from this point forward," muttered Jared. "And I'd prefer eat my spring rolls when I'm not arguing with you."

"Sorry, I didn't get spring rolls," Jensen murmured. "I got vegetable samosas instead."

"How dare you," scoffed Jared. Jensen smirked. 

"Look, you  _can't_ deny that you want to be with me this time," he muttered, taking the paper bag of samosas out of the white carrier bag. He shuffled to the kitchen and collected two plates. He then shared the samosas between the plates as Jared hung his head. "It's not a bad thing," Jensen chuckled. "You know I love you too, but it  _does_ mean we're probably gonna have to change some things, right?"

"Or we could just continue how we are," whispered Jared.

"But you're clearly unhappy," Jensen murmured. "You get jealous and you're feeling guilty that you find me attractive and that's not fair. It's clear that this isn't unrequited for either of us yet you don't want to even try." 

"I do," Jared said quietly. "I do want to try, but, I-I- you  _know_ why I'm apprehensive, Jen."

"I know, I know," muttered Jensen. "But haven't we moved past this yet?"

"What do you suggest, then?" sighed Jared.

"It's your decision, Jay," replied Jensen. "I can't make you be my boyfriend, I just don't understand your rule."

"I don't feel comfortable being-being intimate with you while you do this," Jared mumbled.

"So we'll avoid doing anything below the belt then," shrugged Jensen. 

"But I know you, Jay," Jared muttered. "That's never been something you've enjoyed."

"You're worth it," Jensen said, winking. "Trust me." Jared rolled his eyes. 

  Jared was reading in his room later that afternoon when there was a knock on his bedroom door. "Yes?" he questioned, closing his book as Jensen opened the door. The green eyed man grinned at him and sat on the foot of his bed. "So," he began. "I know you have an interview tomorrow, but I was wondering if I could take you for coffee afterwards? Please?" Jared raised an eyebrow.

"Why?" he inquired.

"I wanted to do something nice for the first date, y'know," Jensen shrugged. "Dinner seemed to extreme and a picnic is kinda cliche, so I decided on coffee. You in?"

"Sure," Jared shrugged. "But I don't know if tomorrow is the best day because I don't know when I'll be back."

"I can wait," muttered Jensen. 

  It was already dark when Jared opened the door to the apartment the following evening. Jensen was sipping beer on the sofa and watching a snooker game on the TV. "Hello," Jared said, shrugging off his coat and sitting beside him. Jensen grinned and slugged his arm over Jared's shoulders. "How was your interview?" he asked. 

"I don't think it went well," Jared muttered. "I was nervous and I got tongue tied, but the man wasn't mean or anything. I just- I just fell apart." 

"It's over with now, though, right?" sighed Jensen. "You're probably over-thinking it." Jared shrugged. "How far away was the interview anyway?" Jensen asked. 

"It was in an office in the neighbouring city," shrugged Jared. "I had to take a train, but it's not too far."

"Why would you get a job so far away?" questioned Jensen. "Certainly that's not practical, right?"

"No, the job would be in a building not far from where I used to to work," shrugged Jared. "But I had to speak to senior management."

"What was the job?" Jensen wondered.

"It doesn't matter," shrugged Jared.

"It does," Jensen sighed. "Please, tell me."

"Promise you won't laugh?" Jared mumbled. Jensen nodded solemnly. "I was gonna be a math tutor for middle school kids," Jared replied. "I know it sounds stupid, but I want to be a teacher so it seems like a pretty good stepping stone." 

"That makes sense," shrugged Jensen. "Although I don't get why you'd choose to spend more time in a classroom after being in college for so many hours a day."

"I thought it was a good idea," murmured Jared.

"It probably is, for you," Jensen replied. "But I would hate it." Jared shrugged. "

"Did you uh... 'work' today?" Jared inquired quietly.

"No," Jensen replied. "I just relaxed here, awaiting the return of my gorgeous boyfriend." Jared grinned. Anyway," Jensen murmured, placing the beer bottle onto the table. "Coffee time, right?" 

"I doubt the place is still open at this time of night," murmured Jared, leaning into Jensen's embrace. Jensen chuckled lightly and ran a hand through Jared's hair.

"You're probably right," he muttered. "But I can make coffee in the kitchen." 

"It's alright," sighed Jared. "If it's all the same to you, I think 'M just gonna go to bed."

"Okay," Jensen said, standing up and switching off the TV. "Do you have to be up early tomorrow?" Jared shook his head. "Want to join me?" he asked, winking. 

"I-I don't know," Jared murmured.

"Come on," Jensen coaxed him. "We've bunked up before, right? Just, this time will be more cuddly, nothing more though, okay?"

"Promise?" whispered Jared.

"I promise," Jensen sighed, taking his hand. Jared nodded and followed him to the hallway. 

  Jared was aware that Jensen usually slept nude in the summer, so he appreciated it that he was willing to throw on the grey pyjamas he usually wore in the winter. Jared himself went to his room to collect his grey vest and a pair of lounge pants. He knocked Jensen's bedroom door and waited for the man to pull it open. "Come on in," he said, jumping onto his bed. Jared nodded and joined him under the covers. Jensen wrapped his arms around Jared's neck as the latter placed his head on Jensen's chest. "Good night,"Jared yawned. 


	12. The Phone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared is looking forward to spending the weekend with Jensen, until he notices the discarded phone.

  Jared spent the remainder of the month focusing on his end of term exams, as did Jensen, so he did not have much time to spend with him. He had hoped they would have been able to curl up in bed every few nights, but he found that they both fell asleep in the midst of their revision. However, when the exams had finally ended, Jared and Jensen had planned to spend a day traveling to Sandiego for the weekend.  Jensen had planned to rent a car and drive, but Jared had told him that his plan was probably not the best since Jensen hadn't driven in months. "We should take the train," sighed Jared, sitting on the sofa beside Jensen and taking his hand in his. "It'll be quick, and cheap." Jensen kissed Jared's cheek and shook his head. "It's hardly private, babe, is it?" he sighed.

"Don't call me that," Jared grumbled, feeling his cheeks flush pink.

"Alright, sorry," muttered Jensen, kissing Jared's neck. "But, y'know, there are some assholes around, like my father, who may not treat us well if we're affectionate in public." 

"I doubt we'll be on the same train as your dad, Jay," chuckled Jared.

"No, I didn't mean him personally," said Jensen. "I just mean that there are people with the same, uh... ideologies as him who could abuse us for holding hands."

"I'd hope you wouldn't be kissing me or holding my hand if you were driving, either," murmured Jared. He rested his head on Jensen's shoulder and grinned up at him. 

"No, but I'd still be affectionate, you know, but around some people, even calling you mine or my guy could cause an issue and I don't want to risk it," sighed Jensen.

"So we act like we're just two guys hanging out until we get to the hotel," shrugged Jared.

"But this was supposed to be a date," whined Jensen. "I don't want to pose as your best friend to please some asshole."

"It's not worth risking being assaulted though, is it?" sighed Jared. 

"It's a long journey," muttered Jensen.

"Twenty three and a half hours," Jared said, nodding. "You couldn't drive that far even if you wanted to."

"I'm not gonna pretend we're just friends for almost a day," sighed Jensen.

"You're the one who chose to go away," huffed Jared. "I suggested San Francisco or looking around Santa Clara County but, no, we see too much of that."

"Dude, Stanford is  _in_  Santa Clara County, we've seen most of it," muttered Jensen. "Why don't we ask your brother to help us again?"  
  
"I mean, he  _might_ , but that's not private either," murmured Jared.

"What, of course it is," said Jensen. "It's just me, you, your brother and his girlfriend."

"Yeah, but we can't act all couple-y around them," Jared replied. "They don't know we're together."

"So we'll tell them," shrugged Jensen.

"It's not that simple," murmured Jared, pulling away. Jensen tightened his grip of Jared's shoulder and kissed his cheek.

"Why not?" he asked.

"Look, I love you, Jay, but we've only been together for like, two weeks, alright, it seems a bit soon to make it official," Jared mumbled.

"You worry too much," laughed Jensen.

"Maybe," whispered Jared.

  When Jensen left the apartment to go shopping, Jared decided to call his brother. He sat on his bed and rubbed his knee as he listened to the phone ringing. He sighed as he heard his brother speak. "Hello?" the man muttered. "You alright, Jay?" 

"Yeah," Jared murmured. 

"What's up?" his brother asked. 

"Uh, so, Jensen and I are planning to go to Sandiego for the weekend," he murmured.

"Sounds fun," chuckled his brother.

"Yeah, but we've realised we don't know how we're planning on getting there, so, uh, would you mind driving us?" he whispered. "We'll pay you for gas and everything, but, well, uh I can't drive and Jensen can't do the full twenty three hours by himself." 

"No, no, yeah, I get it, kiddo, I get it," muttered his brother. "Are you staying in a hotel out there?"

"Yeah, Jensen booked it," Jared replied.

"Can you give me the name of the hotel?" his brother inquired.

"Why?" questioned Jared.

"Dude, if I'm driving to Sandiego, I'm gonna have to stay the night, might as well stay two and have some fun, right?" chuckled his brother.

"Jensen's not here right now," Jared said. "When he gets back, I'll text you the hotel and the address."

"Alright, thanks kiddo," his brother said.

"Thank you," Jared replied.

"No problem," shrugged his brother. "I'd like to know you made it up there safely anyway. I'll come pick you up, yeah?"

"Sure, at what time?" asked Jared.

"Probably about six," shrugged his brother.

"Okay," responded Jared. 

  Jared quickly finished packing his suitcase and wheeled it to the living room. Jensen was not back yet, so he flicked on the kettle and began to make some coffee. He heard the familiar sound of Jensen's phone whistle as he entered the living room. Jared frowned. He was surprised that Jensen had left his phone behind, but supposed that he hadn't needed it when shopping. Then Jared's stomach tightened. Jensen usually took his phone with him whenever he left the house in case he needed to contact Jared and Jared had  _seen him_ take his phone with him this time as well, but if his phone was on the coffee table, Jensen must have taken his other phone- his work phone. Jared knew that this could not be an accident and that Jensen must have intended on taking a detour to the alleyway, which is why it was taking him so long to return with their food. Jared clenched his hands into fists and attempted to control himself as the kettle finished boiling. 

  Jared remained in his room when he heard Jensen enter the apartment. He was lying on his bed, his legs crossed with a book in his hand when Jensen knocked his bedroom door. "Honey, I'm home," the man called through the door jokingly. Jared did not reply. He turned the page in his book and attempted to block out Jensen's knock. He sighed and closed the book. "How was work?" he called back dryly. He heard Jensen's breath hitch.

"H-How did you know?" he blurted. "Did you see me again?"

"Not this time," sighed Jared. striding to the end of his room and pulling open the door to see Jensen, wringing his hands together uncomfortably. "But I noticed your phone on the table, but I swore I saw you stick your phone in your pocket before you left."

"Did you go through my messages again?" Jensen asked.

"No," Jared replied quickly. "Your text alert went off, though, and don't try to turn this around on me."

"How is this such an issue?" Jensen asked.

"If it's not an issue, why do you look so guilty?" snarled Jared. Jensen did not reply. "Seriously, Jay, are you telling me when you're in your dark alley moaning into the phone you don't even feel a little guilty or as if you're being unfaithful?"

"Can we not talk about this now?" huffed Jensen. "Think about this weekend, yeah? It'll be fun."

"How can you say that right after being in a filthy alleyway trying to get a stranger off?" scoffed Jared.

"Trying," puffed Jensen. "How dare you question my ability, I'm hurt."

"Fuck off," snarled Jared.

"Sorry," Jensen said quickly. "Look, I just thought it wouldn't hurt to get us a little spending money, yeah, nothing more. I've told you, I get nothing out of this and I love you, only you."

"I know, I know," sighed Jared. "But this isn't a part of your life I can embrace."  
  
"I'm not asking you too," muttered Jensen, snaking his arm around Jared's waist. "And I'm not living in a fantasy world where I expect you to like it either, I just need you to accept it for the time being so we can move on and genuinely enjoy our relationship to its full potential." Jared sighed. "Did you get an answer from your brother?" Jensen asked.

"Yeah," Jared replied. "He'll do it, but he wants to know the name of the hotel so he can book himself a room so he can stay the weekend too."

"That's slightly less romantic," muttered Jensen. 

"At least we can hold hands on the journey now, right?" Jared asked, winking. Jensen laughed. "Discreetly, of course."

"Why of course," chuckled Jensen. "Alright, I'll get the name of the hotel for you to give him." 

  Jared didn't sleep much that night. He lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling, listening out for any sounds from Jensen's room. He had neglected his offer to stay in his room for the night, so both had gone to their respected rooms. Jared had told Jensen that he didn't want to sleep with him because he wanted to ensure he would sleep on not just make out considering that Jensen was supposed to be sharing the driving with Jared's brother and would have less time to sleep than Jared would, but Jared was actually still annoyed at Jensen for deliberately deceiving him and going out to work. The more Jared thought of how Jensen had had to have planned it, the more it hurt him, but he also understood Jensen's reasoning and thought that if Jensen had any other job, he would have appreciated Jensen working the friday night shift so they had extra money, but this job wasn't any other job and Jared still didn't like it. 

 


	13. Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared thinks Jensen is avoiding him.

At half past five, Jared was awoken from an uneasy sleep by Jensen. His hair was a mess and he looked very tired, but also very much like he needed a cuddle. Jared smiled and pulled the other man into his arms, grinning as he kissed Jared's neck. "We should get up," he whispered into Jared's collar bone. Jared shrugged and petted Jensen's tufty hair. Jensen smiled sleepily at him before pulling away and running a hand through Jared's mop of hair. "Come on," he muttered. "Shower."

"I'll make coffee while you shower then," yawned Jared, sitting up.

"Are you sure you don't want to join me?" Jensen asked, winking. 

"I'm sure," sighed Jared. "We have stuff to do." Jensen hung his head. Jared chuckled and caressed his cheek before swinging his legs out of bed. "Get going," he snapped playfully. Jensen nodded and shuffled out of Jared's room. 

  Jared was half asleep and lying on the sofa when there was a knock at their door. He glanced at his watch and found that it was a few minutes to six, so he supposed that it must have been his brother. He yawned, stretched, and pulled open the door. However, he was not staring up at his towering brother, but down at a man with thick, brown hair who looked oddly familiar. "Is Jensen here?" the man asked. Only then did Jared remember that this was the man he had previously seen with Jensen right before he swore off having hook-ups in the apartment. "He's just getting dressed," he replied shortly.

"I can wait," shrugged the man.

"Look, this isn't a good time," Jared said. "We're about to go away for the weekend and my brother should be here any minute-"

"It won't take long," the man interjected. "Just, please, tell him I'm here." Jared nodded and turned on his heel to walk to Jensen's room, only to find in him the living room staring at him. Jared raised an eyebrow. "This isn't what it looks like," Jensen said quickly.

"No," scoffed Jared. "What does it look like then, Jensen."

"Nothing good," replied Jensen.

"That's right," snapped Jared.

"Look, Jay, I honestly don't know why he's here," sighed Jensen. "I haven't spoken to him in ages.  _Please_  believe me,  _please_." Jared nodded shortly and dropped onto the sofa behind Jensen. "Your friend wants to speak to you regardless," he said. Jensen nodded and approached the door. Their conversation couldn't  have lasted longer than a minute before the man stormed off angrily, cursing Jensen to hell on his way out. 

  A few minutes later, there was another knock on the door. "You can get it this time," Jared told Jensen, who nodded and jumped off the sofa. He pulled open the door to reveal Jared's brother drinking coffee from a take-away cup. "Morning children," he said, rubbing the back of his neck. "Ready to go?" Jensen nodded and strode back to the living room, where the pair of rucksacks and Jared's suitcase were propped up against the wall. Jensen slung his own rucksack over his shoulders and ruffled Jared's hair, before exiting the apartment. Jared grabbed his own rucksack and wheeled his suitcase behind him. "I'll take that," his brother said, gesturing to the suitcase. Jared smiled and allowed him to carry it down the corridor and to the staircase, following Jensen, as he locked the door. 

 Jensen and his brother were already sitting in the car by the time that Jared found them in the car park in the basement of the building. Jensen was laughing at something Jared's brother had said and beamed when Jared opened the door and slumped onto the seat beside him. Jensen took Jared's bag and placed it on the floor between the two seats as the younger man closed the door and yawned. "You guys want coffee?" Jared's brother asked. Jensen nodded and ran a hand through his hair, which was still slightly damp from his shower earlier that morning. Jared also nodded eagerly and smiled at Jensen, thinking to himself that his boyfriend looked utterly adorable. "Is there something on my face?" Jensen asked, smirking. Jared shook his head and peered out of his window as his brother began to drive towards the town center.  "Can I have a large coffee, black?" Jensen asked Jared's brother as he parked outside the coffee shop. The older man nodded shortly and unbuckled his belt, before turning around to glance at Jared. 

"What do you want?" he inquired.

"A vanilla latte," he replied. Jensen shook his head.

"Coming right up," Jared's brother replied, before he clambered out of the vehicle, leaving the pair alone.  Jensen unbuckled his belt and slid to the middle seat so he was close enough to Jared to take his hand in his. "You're so cute when you're sleepy," he said dotingly, smiling at his boyfriend, who rolled his eyes. Jensen caressed his cheek before lightly kissing it. "Stop," Jared murmured. "Anyone could see us."

"It's not even quarter past six in the morning," Jensen chuckled. "Everyone's in bed."

"Not them," Jared said, indicating to the couple on the bench outside the coffee shop eating sandwiches. 

"They aren't close enough to see us," shrugged Jensen. "Relax, okay?" Jared shrugged and ran a hand through Jensen's hair. 

"You're pretty cute too," he muttered. Jensen grinned and rubbed his thumb over Jared's knuckles before retreating to his seat as Jared's brother approached. Jensen rolled his window down and grinned. "Here you go," Jared's brother said, handing him two of the coffee cups. Jensen opened the lid of one, scoffed, and handed it to Jared. Jared smiled and sipped it. "How can you drink that stuff?" asked Jensen as Jared's brother returned to his seat. "It's way too sweet."

"It's great," Jared told him. "You're delusional. Besides, you're drinking pure black coffee, you don't get to judge."

"Yes I do," laughed Jensen. He patted Jared's hair affectionately and rubbed his thumb over his knuckles again. Jared smiled. He knew that Jensen liked being publicly affectionate, so he appreciated that he was being discreet in front of Jared's brother. 

  Jared's brother drove to a small row of modest houses as Jared sipped his coffee curiously. Jensen raised an eyebrow as Jared's brother parked the car outside one of the white houses and unbuckled his belt. "You guys stay here," he said. "You might wanna get comfortable, though, because this is the last stop until lunch." Jensen nodded and, as his brother walked away, took Jared's hand and winked. "This will be fun," he said. Jared rolled his eyes and used his straw to sip his coffee again. Jensen took the lid off his cardboard cup and gulped down the remainder of his coffee in three gulps. Jared smiled at Jensen, who grinned at him and winked, before Jared sipped his coffee. Jensen glanced at the house and, when he saw nobody exiting the building, unbuckled his belt and leant over to softly kiss Jared. Jared grinned as Jensen pulled away, causing Jensen to grin. "Sorry," Jared murmured, bowing his head. Jensen shook his head. 

"Don't be sorry," he said. "You're adorable."

"Why thank you," chortled Jared. He kissed Jensen's cheek before the older man scrambled back to his seat. Jared glanced over his shoulder to see his brother and a thin, ginger haired girl exiting the house. The girl was wheeling a purple suitcase and was smiling at his towering brother. Jared's brother jogged ahead of her and popped open the trunk of the vehicle, so she could lift her suitcase into it. "Hey, boys, this is Sara," he said. Sara smiled as she took the passenger's seat and turned on the radio.

  Jared fell asleep and was awoken when his brother parked the car outside a small diner seemingly in the middle of nowhere. "Come on," Jensen said, leaning over Jared to open the door. Jared yawned and led Jensen out of the car. His brother and Sara were already marching towards the diner and linking hands with one another. "I wish we could do that," Jensen whispered in Jared's ear.  "Just walk around dotingly without risking being assaulted." Jared nodded in agreement and continued to follow his brother towards the diner. "Do we have to sit with them?" Jensen asked.

"Uh...yeah," Jared muttered. "Why wouldn't we?"

"Well, y'know, we could leave them on their little table and have a little date for ourselves," Jensen whispered.

"No offence, Jay, but I don't know where we are and I'd prefer look like a group of friends," Jared replied. He glanced at the group of men leering at Sara when she approached the counter. "They don't seem friendly."

"Alright, I understand," sighed Jensen. "It would be nice, though."

"San Diego isn't conservative though, is it?" muttered Jared. "Maybe we can then." 

"True," Jensen murmured, before he led Jared to the table where Jared's brother was sitting at a table, reading the menu. The table was a booth and there was a red bench either side. Jensen slid into the corner, so Jared sat opposite his brother and read the back of the menu. "Here," his brother said, handing him the menu. "Order anything you want, my treat."

"Is there a budget?" Jared wondered.

"No," shrugged his brother. "Just have some food, kiddo." Jared grinned and handed the menu to Jensen, who didn't study it for very long before passing it back. 

"Can I have a beer?" Jensen wondered.

"How old are you?" Jared's brother inquired.

"I turned twenty a little while back," shrugged Jensen.

"But you're not twenty one, are you?" chuckled Jared's brother.

"Yeah, but you gave Jared beer when he was still eighteen," Jensen sighed.

"That was in my apartment though, not in public," Jared's brother sighed. "Besides, I need you to do the next section of driving so I can take a nap."

"Fine," huffed Jensen.

"I'll buy you a beer in San Diego," Jared's brother told him. Jensen nodded and winked at Jared, who rolled his eyes.

  After Jensen, Jared and Jared's brother had eaten their burgers and Sara had eaten her grilled chicken sandwich, they headed back to the car. This time, Sara and Jared's brother clambered into the back of the car and Jensen slumped into the driver's seat, leaving Jared with the passenger's seat. "Don't crash, yeah, kid," Jared's brother muttered. Jensen nodded and slowly drove back onto the road as Jared buckled up his seat belt. 

  Jared stared down at his feet and did not say anything until Jensen parked the car five hours later outside another diner under Jared's brother's instructions. Jared smiled at Jensen as he unbuckled his seatbelt and glanced backwards at his brother, who was shaking Sara awake. Jared could see the envy flash on Jensen's face as he saw the woman with her head rested on Jared's brother's shoulder. Jared placed a hand on his forearm to calm him and smiled. "Come on," Jensen murmured, leading the way out of the vehicle. 

 Jared's brother drove through until one in the morning, throughout the majority of those hours, Jared and Jensen slept. Jared was awoken when his brother parked the car outside a run-down motel and demanded that Jensen took the wheel. "Why can't Sara do it?" he slurred. 

"That wasn't the agreement," snapped Jared's brother irritably. Jared wanted to snap back at him for being rude to Jensen, but he understood that his brother was tired, so he stayed quiet.  "Fine," huffed Jensen, shuffling out of the car. Jared's brother slipped into his seat and smiled at Jared.

"Only six hours left," he said. 

"Do I have to drive through all of them?" groaned Jensen from the front. 

"No," sighed Jared's brother. "You do four and I'll do the last two." 

  Jared did not stir when Jensen and his brother swapped places for the final place and was shaken awake by Jensen when they arrived at the hotel. "Hurry up, kiddos," Jared's brother called from where he was standing behind the trunk of the car. Jared nodded and picked up his rucksack before following Jensen to the trunk of the car. Sara yawned and ran a hand through her hair as she rolled the suitcase onto the pavement and glanced towards the grand hotel. "Come on," Jared's brother said. Jared nodded and took his own suitcase out of the trunk, before following Sara and Jensen to the doors of the hotel. Jared's brother tailed him and whistled as they walked. 

  Jensen slung his arm over Jared's shoulders as they entered the elevator that would take them to their floors. "Do you guys wanna swap rooms?" Jared's brother asked, wrapping his arm tightly around Sara, who grinned and him and kissed his cheek. Jensen raised an eyebrow. "Why would I want to do that?" he inquired, turning his room key round in his hand. "You've got a suite," Jared's brother told them. "So you'll have to share a bed, but our room is two singles." 

"Yeah, but the suite was more expensive and we have room service," shrugged Jensen. "I'm sure we'll make do."

"You sure?" Jared's brother asked irritably. 

"I want my money's worth out of this weekend, man," Jensen chuckled. Jared's brother rolled his eyes and kissed Sara before exiting the elevator. 

  Jared immediately flopped onto the king sized, four poster bed when they entered their suite. The red, silk covers felt smooth under his fingers and, had Jensen not pulled open the curtains, Jared felt as if he could have fallen asleep at that moment. "There's a pool!" exclaimed Jensen excitedly. Jared rolled his eyes and smiled at Jensen, who beamed down at him. "Did you bring a suit?" he asked Jared, who nodded shortly. "Come on, let's change and let's go!" 

  Jared and Jensen sat with Jared's brother and Sara in the hotel restaurant that evening. Jensen and Jared's brother was speaking excitedly about the pool and the room service and the steaks that they had ordered. Jared rolled his eyes and sipped his lemonade as Sara excused herself to the bathroom. "Can I have a beer now?" Jensen asked, finishing his apple juice.  Jared's brother sighed. "You can have one with the main course, alright," he muttered. Jensen rolled his eyes and grinned at Jared, who tapped his ankle with his foot under the table. Jensen smirked and ran a hand through his hair. "So, uh, what happened to Cheery?" Jared asked his brother quietly.

"I came home one night, late y'know, cause I'd gone to visit Dad again, to find her on my couch french-kissing Mark," snarled his brother. "We never recovered from that."

"Sorry," Jared muttered.

"Don't be," laughed his brother. "I'm much happier with Sara."

"When did you meet?" Jared asked.

"A week or so ago at a subway shop," shrugged his brother. "I can't tell you how it happened, but one thing led to another and I ended up in her bed." He winked ferociously, causing Jensen to laugh. 

  Jared and Jensen drank more than one beer that night before curling up in their large bed. Jared ran a hand down Jensen's torso as his boyfriend nuzzled his neck. Jared blushed furiously as Jensen nibbled his ear. Jared moved away slightly and began to run his hands down Jensen's leg. Both young men were only clad in t-shirts and boxers, so Jared could feel Jensen's hardening length quite easily. Jensen gasped as he ran a hand over it. Jared pulled down Jensen's underwear and licked Jensen's head. The older man moaned into his pillow. Jared continued to lick and kiss before swallowing the head of Jensen's member and humming around it. Jensen groaned in pleasure as Jared bobbed his head and he was in pure ecstasy when the younger man began twirling his tongue around his head. "I-I-I'm go-gonna blow," he said, snaking his hands in Jared's hair. Jared nodded and continued to lick and suck at Jensen until he had swallowed down every last trace of his salty release. He lay there for a while, savouring  the feeling of Jensen's softening member in his mouth. "I love you," Jensen rasped out as Jared pulled away. Jared smirked and dropped onto the bed himself, ignoring his own raging hard-on. "Let me help you," Jensen whispered into his ear. Jared shook his head and pulled the duvet over the pair. He rested his head on Jensen's chest and grinned. Jensen petted his hair and began kissing his cheek.  "Let me help you, big boy," he repeated, using his other hand to rub Jared's stomach and tease the top of his boxers. Jared shook his head certainly. Jensen frowned. Jared kissed him, letting his tongue snake into Jensen's mouth, until he was out of breath, when he finally pulled away.  "I-I can't, Jay," Jared said.

"Why?" wondered Jensen.

"I'm sorry, but, you know, with everything , I-I-I can't," Jared stammered. Jensen sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. He kissed Jared's cheek and smiled down at his boyfriend who, in his opinion, was looking extremely adorable. "Is it because of the job thing again?" he asked quietly.

"I'm sorry," whispered Jared. "I-I-I can't. I can't."

"That's fine, sweetheart," Jensen said. "I still don't believe that this equates to being unfaithful, I'm not going to touch you if you don't want me to."  Jared smiled at him and kissed his boyfriend's neck. 

  Jared awoke in Jensen's arms wrapped in the heavy duvet with a grin on his face. He could feel Jensen's morning wood pressing into his thigh, but he refused to pay much attention to it because Jensen was asleep. Jared rolled over so he was facing his boyfriend and smiled. "Morning," mumbled Jensen sleepily. Jared grinned and kissed him softly. Jensen smiled and ran a hand through his hair as he smiled down at him. "Do you want to go down for breakfast or do you want to order some up here?" Jared asked. Jensen shrugged and rolled out of bed. He ran a hand through his hair and swaggered into the en suite bathroom.

  While Jared was in the shower, he heard a knock on the door. "Yes?" he called, lathering his hair in complimentary conditioner. There was no immediate reply from Jensen, just the sound of him zipping up his jacket. "I'm going down to meet your brother for breakfast," Jensen called. Jared frowned and rinsed his hair clean before stepping away from the water. "Could you wait a few more minutes?" he questioned. "I'm nearly done."

"I'm  _really_  hungry, Jay," Jensen replied. "I'll save you a seat, yeah?"

"Seriously, Jay?" snapped Jared, covering his arms in body wash. "I'm almost done." 

"Well, hurry up and I'll see you soon, Jay," Jensen replied. Jared swore as he heard Jensen leave the room.  

  When Jared strode to the restaurant, he found Jensen and his brother scoffing their faces with bacon and hash browns. "Morning, Jay," his brother called as Jared strode past them to the table beside the counter. He poured himself a glass of orange juice and drank it all in one gulp, before filling his glass up with apple juice. He strode back to their table and sat opposite his brother. "Sleep well?" Jared's brother asked. Jared nodded shortly and studied the list of items  itched onto the chalkboard in front of Jensen. He called a waiter over, ordered his breakfast, and stared at his still apple juice. "I'm gonna go meet Sara in the hot tub," his brother announced, before exiting the restaurant. Jared smiled at the waitress who gave him his food and sipped his apple juice. "You okay?" Jensen asked him.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Jared asked with a false cheeriness in his voice.

"What's up?" Jensen asked.

"I don't appreciate being abandoned for some coffee, Jensen," snapped Jared. "It took me an additional two minutes to finish showering and you couldn't be bothered to wait."

"I'm sorry, Jay, but you took almost thirteen minutes to change and I'm tired and needed coffee," Jensen replied, refusing to make eye contact. 

"Did I offend you, last night, when I told you I didn't want you to touch me?" Jared asked.

"No, no, no, no, Jay," Jensen said quickly. "I understand how you feel on that- I don't understand  _why_ \- but, no, I'm not mad." 

"Okay," Jared murmured, feeling slightly better now.

"I'm gonna go get changed," Jensen announced, standing up. "I'll meet you in the pool, yeah?" Jared nodded. 

  Jensen and his brother were wrestling in the water when Jared clambered down the stairs and into the pool. Sara was in the hot tub behind the pool, talking to a blonde woman in a bikini, and sipping a bottle of water. Jared leant against the side of the pool and watched as his brother forced Jensen under the water. Jensen spluttered and forced the man's head under the water. Jared laughed as Jared's brother kicked Jensen's knee cap.

  Jensen left the pool before the other three did. Jared swam a few laps, attempting to avoid thinking about Jensen and wondering why he wasn't speaking to him. When Sara and Jared's brother left the pool, Jared followed them and headed upstairs to the suite. Jensen was asleep on the bed and mumbling nothings to himself. Jared heard his name a couple of times, but did not attempt to wake his sleeping boyfriend. He kicked off his swimming suit changed into a red polo shirt and a pair of jeans, before taking the elevator down to the restaurant, where he ordered himself some apple juice. When he returned to the suit, Jensen was awake and combing his hair. "Hey," he said brightly. Jared nodded silently. "I'm off to the beach with your brother to try some hot dogs," Jensen told him. "Don't wait up." Jared nodded and hung his head as he sat on their bed. jensen tapped his knee on the way out, but said nothing. 

  When Jensen returned, Jared was watching a horror film and eating a packet of doritos he had bought from one of the shops in the town he had visited, alone. Jared wasn’t overly invested in the plot of the film, so he tore his eyes from the screen when Jensen swaggered in and took a dorito from the bag. “Want to watch this with me?” Jared asked. Jensen nodded. Jared patted the bed beside him, but Jensen strode to the couch beside the window and gazed up at the TV screen. Jared tried not to be offended and turned his attention back to the movie.

  When Jared awoke, Jensen was in the shower. He sighed and covered his boxers with a pair of shorts and threw on a pair of shoes. He was not proud of it, but he knew that if he saw Jensen before his morning coffee the pair would not treat each other nicely, so Jared made his way down to breakfast. His brother and Sara were already seated at a table, which his brother beckoned him to, so Jared sat opposite Sara and ordered himself some eggs, bacon and hash browns when the waiter approached.

 Jared and Sara left the table before Jensen and Jared’s brother did. Jared showered, combed his hair and changed into a fresh pair of boxers and shirt before Jensen returned. “Hey,” the older man said, smiling at Jared. “Just here to get some shoes.” He swapped his trainers for his walking boots and grinned.

“Where are you headed?” Jared asked curiously.

“Your brother and I are off for a walk,” shrugged Jensen.

“What’s going on, Jay?” Jared asked shortly.

“What do you mean?” Jensen asked, the grin falling from his face.

“This was supposed to be a romantic weekend about you and me, but all you want to do is spend time with my brother,” huffed Jared.

“I need to impress the in-laws,” Jensen said, smirking.

“Piss off,” snarled Jared, dropping onto the bed. Jensen sighed and approached.

“Jay, what’s up?” he asked, sitting beside him and running a hand through his hair.

“Piss off you useless bastard,” flared Jared. “I’m sure you’re date is waiting for you.”

“Jared, please, don’t be mad,” Jensen said pleadingly.

“Why do you suddenly give a fuck about me, Jay?” snapped Jared. “You haven’t since we’ve gotten here.”

“That’s not true,” said Jensen. “It’s just- it’s just I’ve been thinking some-some things about you.”

“Like what?” snarled Jared.

“I can’t close my eyes without remembering how good you felt the other night,” Jensen whispered. “The feel of your skin on mine, how just my hand on your bulge turned you red. I-I can’t stop thinking about how big you must be and how hot you looked.”

“So you decide to ditch me because you like me/” scoffed Jared. “How romantic.”

“You made it clear that, right now, at least, you don’t want me like that,” Jensen puffed. “And, I can’t stop thinking about seeing you and touching you and-and r-riding you. It’s not good, Jay.”

“I don’t mind you thinking it, Jensen,” Jared replied. “As long as you don’t force yourself into my pants, we’re good.”

“I’d never do that,” whispered Jensen.

“Good,” muttered Jared, smiling.

“How about, when I come back from my walk we just curl up in bed and watch sickly romantic movies?” suggested Jensen.

“Or, we could curl up in bed and watch horror movies?” suggested Jared. Jensen kissed his cheek.

“I like your option better,” he said, smirking.


	14. Money

When Jared and Jensen returned to their apartment, Jared was overwhelmed by the amount of free time he had. While he was put-out that he didn’t get the tutoring job, he was more than content with just lying on the sofa for hours. They still had most of the two thousand dollars Jensen had made as ‘spending money’ for their trip because Jared’s brother had insisted on paying for most things. Jared supposed it was the man’s moral obligation as his brother that stopped him from accepting any money in return, but Jared didn’t complain.

The pair spent the entirety of their first week lounging around the apartment in various states of undress kissing each other until their lungs hurt and watching pointless daytime TV dramas. Jared had to admit that it made him look forward to retirement already, which made Jensen laugh. 

The second week, however, was not as care-free. Since they had had to pay most of their bills and stock up on food over the weekend, the pair found that most of their money had been spent, meaning that Jensen had to go to work. This worried Jared because the man never told him what time he would return and he was constantly concerned that Jensen would be injured. Another small, disgraceful part of Jared’s mind was worrying that Jensen would leave him for one of his clients, but Jensen had made it clear that that would never happen, so Jared tried to push those insecurities out of his mind. He made a point of attempting to be productive, whether that meant cleaning, tidying, calling his father, calling his grandparents or ironing, while Jensen was working. This way, he felt as if he had earned his down time of resting on Jensen’s chest and kissing his cheeks. 

It was the beginning of the third week, however, when Jared received a worrying phone call. It was Tuesday and Jensen had already headed off to work. Jared did not like this, so he was busy washing and peeling some potatoes to make himself some chips with the fryer they had purchased when his phone began to ring. After a glance at the Caller ID, he found that it was his brother. “Hey, kiddo, do you have a minute?” he asked.

“Uh...I guess,” shrugged Jared, dropping the knife into the sink. “What’s up?”

“Can you come and meet me at my place ASAP?” his brother asked.

“Why?” inquired Jared.

“Just get here,” snapped Jared’s brother.

“But I don’t know when the next bus is,” sighed Jared. “It might be ages.” 

“Fine,” puffed his brother. “I’ll come and pick you up, just stay there.” Jared nodded and hung up the phone. 

After clambering into his brother’s car, Jared sat in silence until they arrived at his apartment. “Where’s Mark?” Jared questioned, sitting on the seemingly new, black, leather couch. “Off to meet Cassie, his girlfriend,” shrugged his brother. “But that’s not the point.”

"Then what is?" questioned Jared.

“Uh, I don’t know how to tell you this, Jay,” his brother began awkwardly. “You know your room-mate-”

“Jensen?” interjected Jared. His brother nodded.

“Do you know what he gets up to in his spare time?” he asked. Jared shook his head, unsure where his brother was going with this.

“No,” he replied.

“Look, kiddo, uh, I was walking towards the bus stop yesterday, right,” his brother began uncomfortable. “I had just been with Sara and was heading home when I-I heard someone say your name. I thought you were hurt cos it sounded like they were crying, so I rushed into the nearby alley, you know the one, right?” Jared froze. His brother didn’t notice. “And, well, I saw your buddy there, leaning against the wall,” he continued. “Moaning and groaning, his eyes shut in ecstasy to whoever he was on the phone with.”

“Oh,” was all Jared could say. "Are you sure it was him?" he asked after a pause.

"Yea," his brother sighed. "I'd recognise him anywhere and he seemed pretty practiced at this."

"Oh," Jared repeated.

“Look, kiddo, I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life, yeah?” muttered his brother. “But, well, this just doesn’t seem right, yeah? I liked Jensen as much as the next guy but this- this is weird.” Jared nodded and requested that he be driven home so he could continue to make his lunch. 

Jared was eating his chips and a tuna sandwich when Jensen returned. He took one look at Jared and bowed his head. “I can explain,” he said quickly. Jared raised an eyebrow.  
“This better be good,” he said. “Because I’ve had to have the most uncomfortable conversation with my brother ever today.”

“Yeah, I guessed that much,” murmured Jensen.

“You’re not helping yourself,” flared Jared.

“Fair enough,” mumbled Jensen. “Look, uh, I was only crying out ‘Jared’ because that’s what the guy wanted me to call. I’m not some freak who role-plays as his boyfriend. Also, if I had known the footsteps were your brother, I would have stopped, but most people who go through that alley ignore me and I didn’t want to break character as I probably wouldn’t get paid. It was too late before I realised that someone was watching me.”

“You’re a dumbass,” snapped Jared. “Imagine if that was someone dangerous who you didn’t realise was watching you, huh? How can money from one guy be worth your life?”   
“I didn’t think of it like that,” mumbled Jensen.

“You’re even more of a dumbass than I thought,” scoffed Jared. Jensen hung his head. “But, you are an adorable one,” Jared added. Jensen grinned.

“And you’re perfect, baby,” murmured Jensen. “Now, I’m gonna go take a shower.” 

Jared knew what he was doing, as did Jensen. Five minutes later, Jared had finished his chips and slowly approached the hallway. Jensen had left the bathroom door open again, which gave Jared an excellent view of his ass. He could hear Jensen humming to himself as Jared approached. “I’m aware I’m being watched this time, if that makes me less of a dumbass,” chuckled Jensen, not turning around. Jared froze.

“Sorry,” he muttered.

“Don’t be sorry,” snapped Jensen. “Just get in here.” Jared had to oblige.


	15. Away

Two weeks after Jared had agreed to have glorious shower sex with Jensen, the pair were lying in Jensen’s bed when Jared’s phone blared. “Who is it?” Jensen wondered, rubbing his boyfriend’s back. “My dad,” replied Jared, checking the Caller ID. He held the phone to his cheek. “Hey,” he murmured. He listened to what his father had to say as Jensen exhaled behind him. “Sure,” Jared replied, before hanging up the phone.

“What did he want?” Jensen inquired.

“He wants me to babysit my sister and her friends this weekend,” shrugged Jared. “Sounds like easy money.”

“But we were gonna get Chinese on Saturday,” huffed Jensen.

“We can get it on Monday instead,” shrugged Jared. Jensen pouted.

"But, you don't need 'easy money', we have money," he whined.

"I don't, you do," shrugged Jared.

"No, it's our money, you know that," Jensen said softly, kissing Jared's cheek.

"I know you  _say_ that, but I've done nothing to earn it, I just help you spend it," shrugged Jared.

"Who cares?" muttered Jensen. "You helped me for like three months. It's pay back."

"Yeah, but you've helped me for like five now," shrugged Jared.

"The last month doesn't count," murmured Jensen. "You're my boyfriend; I like buying things for my boyfriend."

"You like power play or something?" snorted Jared.

"No," replied Jensen.

"What, you don't like holding it over me that you have all the money and all the control?" chuckled Jared.

"No," flared Jensen. "I'd never do that." Jared smiled and kissed him softly. Jensen leaned into the kiss and wrapped his hands around the back of Jared's head, holding him in place. Jared scowled. "How long will you be gone?" Jensen whispered as he pulled away.

"About three days plus one for travelling," shrugged Jared. 

"Fuck," sighed Jensen. "I don't want you to be gone for that long. I'll miss you."

"I can ring you or something," shrugged Jared. 

"Or you could cancel?" suggested Jensen. He kissed Jared's neck and smirked. 

"I'm sure you'll barely miss me," Jared replied. "It will be as if I never left."

"Of course I'll miss you," puffed Jensen, "I miss you when you're sleeping in the other room." 

"I'm sure you can find some clients to distract you," sighed Jared, only half joking.

"There was no need for that," muttered Jensen. "You know none of those faceless bastards will ever add up to you."

"Not yet," sighed Jared. 

"Never. Gonna. Happen," growled Jensen. He punctuated each work with a kiss to Jared's cheek and grinned at his boyfriend who was blushing underneath him.

"When's rent due?" Jared yawned.

"Next week," shrugged Jensen. "Why?"

"Maybe I could ask my dad if I could bring a friend," mumbled Jared, blushing again. Jared grinned.

  Jared reluctantly allowed Jensen to rent a car to drive them the twenty five hours to Texas now that he was aware that Jensen was not a dreadful driver. Knowing that his boyfriend was not the best nighttime driver, Jared convinced him to leave a day earlier and book spend a night in a motel room along the way. They pretended to be inconvenienced when the only room available was one with a double bed and a pull-out couch, but Jared could tell that Jensen was happy to sleep with Jared in his arms. 

  The motel room was cold and Jared was thankful for Jensen's body heat. The man fell asleep before Jared, probably because he was exhausted after a twelve hour drive with only one less than an hour break. The hairs on the back of Jared's neck stood up as Jensen exhaled slowly and he slid further under the covers. 

  "I love you," Jared heard as he stirred. Jensen pressed a kiss to Jared's forehead and covered him to his neck with the duvet. Jared turned over and smiled up at his gorgeous, sleepy boyfriend. "Come on, sleepyhead," Jensen said, kissing Jared's forehead again. "I saw a diner a mile or so back we can go to for breakfast." Jared groaned and pressed a faint kiss to Jensen's bare collar bone, not covered by his green vest. Jensen grinned and ruffled his hair, before clambering out of the bed. Jared groaned, missing Jensen's body heat already, and clawed at the sheet on the mattress. "Get up, you idiot," sighed Jensen. "I'm hungry." Jared groaned and forced his heavy limbs out of bed. "Sleep well?" Jensen asked, handing him a grey sweater. Jared sighed. "That mattress is not very comfortable," he replied.

"I'll have to agree with you there, baby," Jensen said, kissing Jared's cheek.

"Stop it with the pet names, would you," groaned Jared.

"But you're so cute," muttered Jensen.

"I don't give a shit," snarled Jared. "I don't like it."

"Alright," Jensen said,  clearly not expecting him to have such an outburst. "Look, pack your stuff back into your rucksack, yeah? I want to hit the road." 

"Aren't we coming back after breakfast?" Jared asked, pulling on his shoes.

"No," replied Jensen. "I want to get on the road so I can have a break at lunch time."

"You're only gonna drive for four hours?" questioned Jared. "What about the other nine?"

"I don't see you helping," snapped Jensen playfully. 

"I don't have a licence, dumbass," chuckled Jared.

"I know, I know," sighed Jensen. "Now, come on, get your stuff in a bag and let's get going." Jared nodded and rubbed the back of of his neck. 

  Jared sighed as they entered the car after eating their breakfast. Jensen had ordered a stack of pancakes and Jared had eaten some bacon and eggs, which were not as good as those served at the hotel they had been to at the beginning of summer, and both had had a white coffee. "You okay?" Jensen asked him, running a hand down his boyfriend's cheek  as he drove down the highway. "I need to talk to you," Jared murmured quietly, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He glanced backwards at the back of the car where their rucksacks were on the floor and sighed. "What is it?" Jensen asked curiously. "You can tell me, Jay."

"So, uh, you know we're going to be looking after my sister and however many friends she has at this sleepover?" Jared sighed.

"Yeah," shrugged Jensen. "And?"

"Well, we're gonna have to tone back the physical affection," Jared mumbled. "I-I'm not ready to tell my family yet."

"Okay," sighed Jensen. 

"I'm sorry," Jared whispered.

"Look, I can't say I'm not disappointed that I can't snuggle with you on the sofa but, well, I understand," Jensen shrugged. "When I first got with a guy I did whatever I could to stop my parents finding out. This wasn't because I was ashamed of him, but because I knew my parents would react negatively."

"I don't think my dad will care," muttered Jared. "He knows I'm gay, so I doubt he'll care, but, its just, y'know, we haven't been together very long and my brother usually waits about six months before introducing him to his girlfriends, so I was gonna wait to tell if we're gonna get serious or not."

"What, like serious enough to move in together?" Jensen asked, fluttering his eyelashes. 

"This isn't a joke," Jared told him. Jensen grinned.

"Okay, so, although I personally believe that we are serious enough to tell your parents- which I would do if my parents weren't assholes- I'm not going to push and I'll obey your rules," he said. 

"They're not  _rules_ , Jay, just- just requests," mumbled Jared. Jensen nodded and placed his hand on top of Jared's for a second, before gripping the gear stick. 

  Jared's father's home was a modest bungalow in the center of a street. His red car was parked in the driveway and so was a soccer ball. "What time is it?" yawned Jensen, rubbing the back of his neck and opening his door. "Almost ten," replied Jared, mirroring him and taking his rucksack from the back of the vehicle. Jensen grabbed his own belongings and locked the car. He followed Jared down the driveway and into the bungalow. "Hey, kids," his father called from the living room. Jared dropped his rucksack onto the floor in the hallway. "Hey, we're here," he called back. 


	16. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen-Centric again

 Jensen didn't dislike staying at Jared's father's home. It was larger than it looked on the outside and, although he was supposed to be sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor of Jared's room, he was able to sleep in his boyfriend's arms. It was a small, wooden bed, clearly not built for a man of his size, let alone two, but it wasn't too much smaller than the one Jensen had at their apartment, so they made do. Jensen supposed that it was better than nothing.

  Jared had made it clear that he did not want to risk having to explain anything to his sister or his father, so he made sure that his hand didn't even brush against Jensen's while there was a chance that his sister would walk in on them. The only time that Jensen had to kiss his boyfriend was when they knew that his sister was asleep. 

 Jensen had suggested watching a film Friday afternoon and curling up on the sofa. Jared's sister was in school and his father had already headed out to the train station, so they were the only two in the house, but Jared refused because he didn't want to risk one of the neighbours seeing them, so Jensen lay on the sofa, clutching a cushion to his chest, while Jared sat on the armchair.  

  When Jared's sister returned, Jensen was shooed into the kitchen, while Jared remained in the living room. Jensen did not like that Jared was refusing to allow his sister to even see the pair together, but he didn't say anything because he was tired from the long drive the previous day and he didn't want to start an argument with him.

 Jensen did not speak to Jared until later that afternoon when Jared joined him in the kitchen, where Jensen was sat at the table reading the newspaper. "We're gonna go out for food," Jared announced. Jensen nodded. "Can you drive us?" Jared asked. Jensen nodded and folded up the newspaper. "You know that's yesterday's right?" Jared asked him.  Jensen nodded shortly. "Yeah, but your dad must buy them because nobody delivered one today and since I'm not allowed to watch TV with you, I needed something to do," shrugged Jensen. Jared scowled and slapped Jensen's arm. "You know why i did that," he hissed. 

"No, I don't," scoffed Jensen. 

"I don't want my sister to start asking questions," whispered Jared.

"She's not going to question us just for sitting in the same room," snapped Jensen. "But, whatever."

"Yeah, whatever," mumbled Jared. "Now, come on, food." 

  When they returned, Jensen stormed to Jared's room and flopped onto the bed. The pillows smelt of the detergent that had been used to clean it last. Jensen missed the familiar smell of his boyfriend, who was in the garden with his sister so he couldn't hug him. 

 Jared shook Jensen awake when he entered the bedroom. He was tired and didn't want to be woken up, but he smiled at Jared regardless. "Hey, baby," he murmured sleepily. Jared pouted.  "Knock it off with the pet names, moron," he groaned as he fell onto the bed beside him. Jensen rolled his eyes and gently kissed Jared's neck. Jared smiled and patted the side of Jensen's head. "Can you move for a second?" Jared asked. Jensen nodded and grinned as Jared pulled his shirt over his head and swapped it with his grey t-shirt. He shook his head at Jensen's expression. "I love you," Jensen mumbled. Jared grinned and kicked off his black jeans before diving onto the bed beside Jensen. He ran a hand along the belt of Jensen's blue jeans. "Let's get you out of these, yeah?" Jared muttered. Jensen grinned and stood up. He threw his jeans and his belt to the floor and dived onto Jared. He kissed Jared's collar bone and grinned at him. Jared kissed his cheek. "Oh, so now you're all lovely with me," murmured Jensen.

"You know why I'm not being overly affectionate," muttered Jared. 

"Or affectionate at all," Jensen said darkly.

"You know I love you," sighed Jared.

"Yet you don't even want to be in the same room as me," huffed Jensen. 

"Look, my sister's an immature kid, okay," sighed Jared. "She'd probably say something about you being my boyfriend as a joke, and I know that my blushing would give us away, okay?"

"Why did you bother allowing me to come if you have an issue with me?" puffed Jensen.

"I thought I'd miss you," murmured Jared. " _Yo_ _u_  said you'd miss me." 

"Honestly, I think this hurts more," grumbled Jensen. 

"What does? Me kissing you in private?" Jared asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, the fact that I have to be your secret," sighed Jensen. "You know what, no, not even that, because I was perfectly willing to just pose as your best friend but, no, you keep pushing me away and sending me to do stupid stuff like clean the car or make the bed to avoid being around me when your sister's home and it sucks, okay?" 

"I'm sorry," mumbled Jared. He leaned in to kiss Jensen's cheek again, but Jensen stood up and threw his clothes back into his rucksack. Jared sighed. "I'm just scared, okay?" Jared muttered. 

"Of what?" Jensen snarled. "Is being accused of dating me that bad?"

"No, no, no," Jared said quickly. "It's just, I've never had a proper relationship before so I don't know how to bring it up with my family and I-I'm just not ready to have the conversation yet." Jensen nodded. He stared at his boyfriend. Jared was tense. He was chewing on his bottom lip and his eyes were round and watering. He had tucked his knees up to his chest and he was staring up at Jensen, as if expecting him to say something. "I'm too tired to have a reasonable discussion right now," Jensen eventually said.

"Okay," sighed Jared. "Let's just go to sleep." He uncurled himself and patted to the side of the bed. Jensen shook his head.

"I just can't right now," he said, before marching out of the room. 

  Jensen strode to the living room and looked around. It was quite eerie in the dark, the only light being the streetlamp outside, and he was tempted to sleep on one of the couches, but he supposed that if Jared's sister awoke before Jared did, that wouldn't be a discussion he wanted to have, so he picked up the car keys from the coffee table and marched outside. He could hear Jared's muffled footsteps rush downstairs before he closed the door to the house and strode to the end of the driveway, where their rented car sat. Jensen considered driving the car to one of the motels that they had passed on the way, but he decided that he was too tired to do so. Instead, he just clambered into the back of the car and laid himself across the seat. 

 He noticed Jared peering out of the window of the house a few moments later, but he retreated soon after. Jensen supposed that Jared couldn't see him from where he was, hidden away, but he also wondered if Jared even cared. He sighed and stared up at the roof of the vehicle. 

  The car was cold. Jensen didn't want to have to turn on the engine to warm himself up, so he picked up Jared's coat, which he had left on the floor, and covered his legs with it. His white t-shirt was not very thick and he had goosebumps travelling up his arms, but he was not going to go back inside. 


	17. Stress

  Jared was very tired after they returned from his father's house. He had spent Saturday night chaperoning his sister's sleepover. He hadn't wanted to spend the evening with three preteens, but it wasn't as bad as he had expected it to be. Jensen had headed to a fast food restaurant that night and did not return for a few hours. He had slept in his car again, so when they returned to their apartment, he was very grateful for his bed. 

  Jared had wanted to spend Monday lounging on the sofa and trying to repair his relationship with Jensen. He knew that Jensen had been put-out by his attitude while they had been away, but Jared did not know what he could do to rectify the situation. They had spent most of Sunday driving back to the apartment. They had had conversations about nothing in particular, but Jensen hadn't tried to hold his hand and hadn't complained when Jared sat opposite him at the diner they stopped at. He hadn't even attempted to play footsie under the table. Jared had wanted to speak to him that morning, but Jensen was not up yet and he had received an email inviting him to a job interview that afternoon, so Jared rushed to get dressed and left the apartment. 

  Jared was not overly confident with the outcome of the interview, but he was happy to head home. Unfortunately, there was not another bus for twenty minutes and the only other person at the bus stop was a man smoking a cigarette, a scowl on his face. Deciding that his hunger overpowered his laziness, Jared decided to just pad back to the apartment. 

 Jared heard a man screaming out of a car as it past him, which made the hairs on the back of his neck stick up, but he didn't turn around to glance back at the vehicle. He sighed and proceeded on his way home, until he arrived at the entrance of a familiar alleyway. He knew he shouldn't have gone in, but he was curious to if Jensen was there. 

  Jensen was sitting on the ground, blood bursting out of his nose, his phone in his hand. He looked tired and weary eyed, but he refused to make eye contact with Jared as he approached. "Hullo," Jensen said dully, not looking up. His eyes were glued to his cold, slightly grazed hands. "How are you?" Jensen muttered. Jared rolled his eyes and sunk to his knees. He caressed Jensen's cheek and studied his nose, before softly running a hand through his hair. "What happened?" he asked, wondering who on earth would want to hurt his wonderful boyfriend. Jensen shrugged. Jared raised an eyebrow and helped Jensen to his feet. "Let's go home," Jared sighed. "But this isn't over. You're going to tell me why you're covered in blood." Jensen nodded silently.

  Jared helped Jensen onto the couch and covered him with one of the thick, winter blankets they kept in the airing cupboard. He set to making him a coffee while Jensen stared up at the ceiling. Jared placed the mug onto the coffee table beside him and wandered to the bathroom to retrieve a warm flannel, which he took back into the living room with him. "Are you able to sit up?" he asked.

"Yeah," shrugged Jensen, slowly rising. Jared. smiled and crouched so he was eye to eye with him. "You okay?" Jensen asked.

"Yeah, one second," sighed Jared, before wiping the man's face gently with the cloth.  Jensen grinned as Jared petted his hair while he brushed the tip of his nose with the flannel.  

  Once he was certain that all the blood had been wiped from Jensen's face, Jared slumped onto the sofa beside his boyfriend's feet and raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you wanna nap?" Jared asked. Jensen shook his head. "Do you think that you could tell me what's going on?" Jared asked. He was calmer than Jensen had expected him to be. 

"Do I have to?" Jensen questioned. Jared raised an eyebrow. "Fine," huffed Jensen. "Look, uh, so- so it turns out that we aren't as financially stable as I had hoped."

"What do you mean?" inquired Jared. 

"Well, maybe we didn't add up the total of a shopping trip or perhaps the bill for the WIFI or the electricity has been higher these last few months than usual, but I was certain that we had about $560 give or take a few cents in the bank," sighed Jensen. "But, apparently, we do not."

"What do we have?" Jared asked.

"Well, when my pay cheque comes in for the last three phone calls, about $252," grumbled Jensen.

"How long were you on call for?" Jared inquired.

"About two hours," shrugged Jensen.

"And you get 96 bucks an hour, right?" Jared asked. Jensen nodded. "So, we literally had sixty bucks in the banks?"

"Um... yeah," replied Jensen.

"Where did that five hundred go?" questioned Jared.

"I don't know," groaned Jensen. "I've been trying to work it out. The problem is, unlike you, I don't keep my receipts, so I don't know if we were overcharged for something and I didn't notice."

"How did you find out we had so little money?" Jared asked, narrowing his eyes.

"The- the landlord is unhappy that I haven't paid the rent yet this month," replied Jensen. "Which I think is bollocks because it's not due for enough two days, but, still. He's also made me aware that our lease runs out next month and he hinted that he may be raising the rent after that. I thought that was unfair cos we're a pair of college students, but he said he didn't care. So, because of his words, I headed to the bank to withdraw the cash for the rent and maybe a little extra for a pizza or something, but I found we had $60 to our names." 

"Can we afford rent now?" Jared sighed. 

"Yeah, it's still only $216, but that only leaves us with about forty bucks," Jensen replied.

"Thirty six bucks," groaned Jared.

"I'm sorry, okay," flared Jensen. "I thought we were okay." Jared sighed and shifted himself so he was practically lying on Jensen and rested his head on the shorter man's shoulder. 

"I'm not blaming you," he whispered. "I-it's just a lot to process." Jensen nodded. "Who assaulted you?" Jared asked.

"No clue," shrugged Jensen. "Some guy saw me just before I hung up on a guy and, y'know, near the end of the calls I tend to be less enticing because they care less, and this brute, probably bigger than you, decided to use me as a punching bag." 

"Do you have any idea what we can do now?" Jared asked. "I can't find many job interviews I'm interested in. I suppose I could take a few I don't like but-"

"No, no, no," snapped Jensen. "The last thing I want is for you to get another grueling job that you hate just so you can pay the bills. I-I suppose the easiest thing to do would be for me to take a few calls to get next month's rent and food sorted and then see where we can go from there."

"Absolutely not," snarled Jared. "No way on earth are you gonna risk being hurt again." 

"What do you suggest then?" Jensen asked. 

"I don't know," sighed Jared. "We'll think of something."

"W-would you let me take the calls from here again" Jensen asked. 

"I-I suppose I'll have to," groaned Jared. "But- but tell me when you're going to, because I don't want to hear it." Jensen nodded. 

  Jared spent more time out of the apartment than he did in the following month. He  always awoke before Jensen, and left immediately after showering. He went for a jog, bought a breakfast muffin, and found something to do with his day. He spent some time at the park, watching the ducks swimming across the pond, and on the days that it rained he headed to the cinema. His diet mainly consisted of his breakfast muffin and tap water, but by the middle of the month he was too hungry, so he bought himself a croissant from the supermarket. He ate it on the bench in the park and sighed. 

  Jensen was asleep on the sofa when Jared returned. He was used to this, because he wanted to ensure that Jensen was not still on the phone when he returned. Annoyingly, Jared also made sure that he didn't take his phone with him, because he had decided early on that he didn't actually need to know when Jensen started and ended work everyday because he found that he couldn't stop thinking about it when he knew what Jensen was doing. 

  Jared attempted to shut the door quietly, but he was unable to, and the slam of his bedroom door awoke Jensen. Jensen got to his feet and trailed to Jared's room. He knocked the door but pulled it open before Jared had a chance to respond. Jared, who was in the middle of changing and was not wearing any trousers, glowered at him. "What do you want?" Jared asked. 

"Uh, nothing," Jensen replied sheepishly. Jared raised an eyebrow.

"So you just popped round to say 'hi' is it?" he asked, pulling on a pair of pyjama trousers. 

"I guess," shrugged Jensen. "We haven't properly spent time with each other in a while so I wanted to talk to you." Jared sighed and unbuttoned his polo shirt before dragging it over his head. "You look flustered," Jensen muttered, nodding at Jared's rosy cheeks.

"It's hot," murmured Jared, picking up a grey t-shirt from the floor and tugging it over his mop of hair.

"Wanna take a shower?" Jensen asked.

"No thanks," Jared replied. "I don't want to get undressed again." Jensen nodded and sat on the foot of his bed. 

"So, uh, do you want to go out tomorrow night?" Jensen asked. "We could go to that steak house your brother recommended, right?" 

"With what money?" grumbled Jared. He heard his stomach rumble, but didn't address it. "If the landlord is putting the rent up next week, we need to save all the money we can for looking at new apartments." Jensen studied him. 

"Okay," he eventually replied. "I get that. Do you want to go looking at apartments tomorrow and get a bite to eat afterwards instead?" 

"Honestly, jay, I don't care where we go as long as the rent isn't too bad," Jared said.

"You don't mean that," murmured Jensen, rubbing Jared's leg as he flopped onto the bed. "I'm sure you want a big room and a big bath tub and two fridges and all sorts." 

"I really don't care," sighed Jared. "My only criteria is we can move in at short notice, it's cheap rent and we have no other room mates." 

"Really?" questioned Jensen.

"Yeah, I'll just be glad when all this stress is over," Jared replied. 

"Alright," Jensen murmured. "But, it'd be nice to go out for lunch tomorrow, right?"

"I guess," Jared replied. 

  Jared awoke at his usual time the following morning and immediately headed to the shower. He was surprised to find that he could hear the water running, indicating that Jensen had gotten there first. Jared raised an eyebrow and checked the time on his phone to ensure he hadn't overslept, but it was indeed ten to seven. Jared knocked the door. "Yup?" called Jensen through the door. 

"Could you hurry up, please?" Jared asked. 

"Yeah, sure," Jensen replied. Jared leant against the wall and, a few moments later, he heard the water stop running. 


	18. Home

The next week went by really quickly for Jared. By the following Monday, he and Jensen had moved into their new apartment and he had already had an interview as a tutor for some middle schoolers and would be expecting his second interview that Wednesday. Jared and Jensen had not yet unpacked most of their belongings and were sleeping on a mattress in the living room, in front of the TV that they had placed on top of one of the boxes, and, when he awoke, Jared didn't want to move from where he was laying in Jensen's arms. "Wanna get up?" Jensen asked him quietly. Jared shook his head. 

"It's cosy here," he muttered, letting Jensen pet his hair.

"Don't you want breakfast?" Jensen asked. 

"We can get it later," Jared replied, leaning against his boyfriend, where he felt he had all the time in the world.

 


End file.
